I will first say that I myself was abused by my step-dad, over the course of about a 5 year period. I recall one incident in which, in a druken stupour, he punched me and then threw me clear across my room, in front of several of my friends. There were many many other incidents, but that one seems to stick in my head. I don't quite even know why, considering that the physical damage inflicted was less severe than other times. Most likely it was the humiliation of being completely physically defeated in front of my friends - who very quickly left after that incident. Other incidents occurred, and I did on certain occasions really hit rock bottom. To be blunt, life was shit.
And nobody knew. With the exception of the people who were there that time, nobody else knew about any of it. Not my friends, my father, nobody. My mother may have, but considering that she was also abused by my step-dad, there wasn't much she was in a position to do either.

However, taking a look at me today, I'd say I turned out fairly alright. I don't suffer from any kind of psyciatric problems, apart from my somewhat quirky, zany sense of humour. I'd say in my own personal experience that I learned a lot from my experiences. I knew how I didn't want to turn out. Even the thought of taking out anger on somebody in an abusive fashion is repulsive.
I can't say how I would react if I was confronted with him today - because I don't know. A large part of me would be tempted to try and take him on - but a larger part I think would see that as being a very weak thing to do. Speaking of weakness, that is the one thing I can assure you:
He may well have posessed much more physical strength, but the fact that he needed to get drunk and/or hurt people to make himself feel like a man says more about his mental strength than anything else. He was a weak man.

Today, I'm in a relationship with a girl whom I care very very much about, I've had a successful education so far, and I have a good deal of experience as a Corporal in the Air Training Corps (kind of similar to the US ROTC program in some aspects, except that it is not a direct recruiting tool) and since moving away from my abuser, I have really become my own person. And in general, I am happy with my life.
My point is that when dealing with something like abuse, you are left with two choices - wallow in self pity, or get on with life and try to put it behind you.
Now, of course, when the abuse gets to a much more serious level, I can't really comment, because I was never, say, sexually abused or anything - so I don't feel I am qualified to make any comment on the recovery process for that.
It's not an easy thing to forget, being abused, and it lingered in my memory for some time afterwards - but like I say, it is just a case of carrying on. Personally, I do not feel I would be quite the same person I am today had I not experienced that - I do not think I would have the same mental strength as I do now. I am not saying abuse is a positive thing - it is very negative. I am lucky though, that I am able to take away positive life lessons from it.

Anyway, that's my 2p (or whatever currency you prefer)

Stuart

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