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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Foreign Language & Culture / Viewing Topic

proof read this for me (french class)
Replies: 4 — Last Post Sep. 1, 2008 6:53pm by Shaknbake
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( Permious )

Executive 		Reply
Je m'appelle Starla et je suis une femme de nuit.

Quand j'avais treize ans, mes parents se sont morts. J'étais un SDF. J'ai fait la connaissance de rabbatteur qui s'appelle Pierre. Il me suis donné une maison et l'argent, mais il y avait un prix.

Je devais coucher avec beaucoup de hommes et maintenant, j'ai le sida. Mais, je ne suis pas triste. J'aime les rapports sexuel, surtout les rapports anaux et ma vie est une aventure grande. Je mourrai bientôt mais premièrement, je veux marier.

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jesus christ was a cunt and a rapist

8:44 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 81
Join to learn more about Permious Montana, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 4,033 | Points: 3,952
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Tits McGee


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Patron 		Reply
Is that a true story?

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I don't wear pants.
8:49 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 235
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Shaknbake


Omnipotent One 		Reply
A lot of that is terrible, but I really can't be bothered to correct something you only posted for the chance to type "rapports anaux" one more time.

Changed my mind. See below.

Post edited at 6:53 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 by Shaknbake

11:54 pm on Aug. 29, 2008 | Joined: Mar. 2006 | Days Active: 605
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Loza


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
oh. few mistakes.
6:07 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2006 | Days Active: 219
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Shaknbake


Omnipotent One 		Reply
I don't believe the term "Femme de nuit" exists in French. You could use "femme de demimonde," ou "demimondaine." A list of alternatives may be found là. You also don't need an indefinite article when talking about an occupation. "J'suis prostituée" et non "J'suis une prostituée."

Mourir isn't reflexive. If you want "killed themselves," use se tuer or s'assassiner instead. You do need an indefinite article before rabbatteur. "Il m'a offert une maison et de l'argent, mais il y avait un prix;" would be better.

"Me coucher," et non "coucher." "beacoup d'hommes" et non "beacoup des hommes." "SIDA" et non "sida." Use "d'abord" instead of "premièrement," and I believe marier IS. reflexive.

Post edited at 6:54 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 by Shaknbake

6:53 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 | Joined: Mar. 2006 | Days Active: 605
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