For as long as I can remember, my attitudes to sex have been rather unusual and a little abnormal. I've spent years trying to work myself out, and figure out how much of it is just me and how much is my past. I was wondering how sexual abuse as children may have affected others when it comes to modern-day sexuality. I have quite abnormal attitudes to sex. I find it insanely difficult to get close to the opposite sex, be it emotionally or sexually. I've not had sex many times, and any time I do have sex I find myself getting quite upset. I don't enoy intercourse, and spend almost all of it wishing he would hurry up and come.
As for foreplay, I can't stomach it. I can't bear to go down on him or him on me - I just want to kiss, have sex, and get it over and done with. Foreplay repulses me, and makes me feel physically sick even thinking about it. The abuse I experienced as a child was in this domain, and I sometimes wonder if that is the reason for it.
I am not a sexual person at all. I have little to no sex drive, and the only times I do find myself horny are almost always when drunk. I find the whole idea of sex entirely alien, and can't quite understand how people can view it as an act of love or an expression of intimacy.
In conclusion, my attitude is a little distorted. I was wondering how child abuse has affected other people, if it has affected them at all?
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