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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

short poem
Replies: 10Last Post Aug. 3, 2008 11:03pm by kattyy
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( Anonymous )

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i have the full version wrote down but i dont have it with me but the whole poem has the same begining lines (the,and,in,is)but it all makes sense but plz tell me what u think of this first lil part.

the pull of a trigger
and the drop of a pill
in the hands of a man
is the power to kill

the abuse of a child
and the house of dysfuntion
in the life of a child
is the path for corruption


10:59 pm on Aug. 3, 2008
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crazy4you


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Sounds good to me

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All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

10:59 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 42
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HXC


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sounds like lyrics to a bad death metal song.


EDIT: on second thought, bad death metal song was redundant.

Post edited at 11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 by HXC

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11:00 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2007 | Days Active: 332
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MaddiJune


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sad, true, good...2 thumbs up :)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4RkO6lofOg---tell me what you think =D

11:00 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 120
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acausedelle

Swami

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Quote: from HXC at 1:00 am on Aug. 4, 2008

sounds like lyrics to a bad death metal song.

Basically. Sounds like something Origin would make.

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We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breaker
Watch the world die


11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: June 2006 | Days Active: 594
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Bi Kris


Executive
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very nice.  getting the beginning word to match can get hard in later verses but these are good.

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I made a funny signature but couldnt use it because it took too many lines.
someone should donate for me. you know you want to. =^_^=

11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2008 | Days Active: 168
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isabelle demetri


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sound sorta like the beginning of a Disturbed song.  Kudos, I like it.

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the way you wrap those boys around your finger...

11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: May 2008 | Days Active: 59
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LoveAlwaysAndi


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Quote: from Anonymous at 1:59 am on Aug. 4, 2008

i have the full version wrote down but i dont have it with me but the whole poem has the same begining lines (the,and,in,is)but it all makes sense but plz tell me what u think of this first lil part.

the pull of a trigger  
and the drop of a pill
in the hands of a man  
is the power to kill

the abuse of a child
and the house of dysfuntion
in the life of a child  
is the path for corruption


i think you should PM me the whole thing

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First things first; One day at a time, Keep it simple!


11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: April 2008 | Days Active: 37
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thegirlandhermachine


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it's pretty good .

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I have alot to say, but i'll leave that to you .

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Djs971

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cool

11:03 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 21
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kattyy


Advisor
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Quote: from MaddiJune at 2:00 am on Aug. 4, 2008

sad, true, good...2 thumbs up :)
same here

11:03 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 11
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