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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

short poem
Replies: 10 — Last Post Aug. 3, 2008 11:03pm by kattyy
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( Anonymous )

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i have the full version wrote down but i dont have it with me but the whole poem has the same begining lines (the,and,in,is)but it all makes sense but plz tell me what u think of this first lil part.

the pull of a trigger
and the drop of a pill
in the hands of a man
is the power to kill

the abuse of a child
and the house of dysfuntion
in the life of a child
is the path for corruption

10:59 pm on Aug. 3, 2008
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crazy4you


Professional 		Reply
Sounds good to me

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10:59 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 42
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HXC


Enlightened One
Patron 		Reply
sounds like lyrics to a bad death metal song.


EDIT: on second thought, bad death metal song was redundant.

Post edited at 11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 by HXC

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11:00 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2007 | Days Active: 332
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MaddiJune


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
sad, true, good...2 thumbs up :)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4RkO6lofOg---tell me what you think =D
11:00 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 120
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acausedelle

Swami
Sustainer 		Reply
Quote: from HXC at 1:00 am on Aug. 4, 2008
sounds like lyrics to a bad death metal song.

Basically. Sounds like something Origin would make.

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Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breaker
Watch the world die

11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: June 2006 | Days Active: 594
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Bi Kris


Executive 		Reply
very nice.  getting the beginning word to match can get hard in later verses but these are good.

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I made a funny signature but couldnt use it because it took too many lines.
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11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2008 | Days Active: 168
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isabelle demetri


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
sound sorta like the beginning of a Disturbed song.  Kudos, I like it.

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LoveAlwaysAndi


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Quote: from Anonymous at 1:59 am on Aug. 4, 2008
i have the full version wrote down but i dont have it with me but the whole poem has the same begining lines (the,and,in,is)but it all makes sense but plz tell me what u think of this first lil part.

the pull of a trigger  
and the drop of a pill
in the hands of a man  
is the power to kill

the abuse of a child
and the house of dysfuntion
in the life of a child  
is the path for corruption

i think you should PM me the whole thing

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11:01 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: April 2008 | Days Active: 37
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thegirlandhermachine


Technician 		Reply
it's pretty good .

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Djs971

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cool
11:03 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 21
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kattyy


Advisor 		Reply
Quote: from MaddiJune at 2:00 am on Aug. 4, 2008
sad, true, good...2 thumbs up :)
same here
11:03 pm on Aug. 3, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 11
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