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dooby54
Executive
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So, Jesus walks into a bar *bam - in your face*
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You tried your best and you failed miserably.
The lesson is 'never try'- Homer Simpson - - BreakinTheHabit is my LW wifE!
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MeloncholyWolf
Dairy Product Addict
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A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "you have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask." The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?" The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
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"You know the speed of Light, so what's the speed of Darkness?"
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Jakev0813
Dairy Product Addict
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Quote: from MeloncholyWolf at 12:03 am on July 20, 2008
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "you have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask." The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
haha. long but funny!!
The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?" The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
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SgtPatches
Wealthy Hobo
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there are four rabbis. best friends since childhood, all grew up to become rabbis at the same time. they are with each other often, though constantly arguing about theology. One day, three of them get into an argument with one, who believes he his completely right this time. He prays to God: "God, if I am right, please send us a sign." The earth starts to shake under them very briefly. One of the tree replies, "We live in the West Coast, it happens all the time." He prays again, "God, send me a sign if I am right." The clouds then become dark and it starts to rain. Another of the three replies, "It's just weather changing, nothing different." The man prays again, "God, if I am right, send a sign." A loud voice from the skies booms, saying "HE IS RIGHT!" The last of the rabbis says, "Okay, so now it's two against three."
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To be a man you must have honor.
Honor and a penis.
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MeloncholyWolf
Dairy Product Addict
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After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw that it was so beautiful. Saint Peter came by; the woman said to him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word", the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."
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"You know the speed of Light, so what's the speed of Darkness?"
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( Erin Puff )
Dairy Product Addict
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Quote: from SgtPatches at 12:10 am on July 20, 2008
Quote: from Erin Puff at 2:07 am on July 20, 2008
since it didn't work before here's my joke again Three men are standing outside the gates of heaven, they have done nothing wrong in there entire life. So God says they are aloud to go onto earth and each commit one bad deed. They come back 3 days later, "What have you done" God asked the first. "I've killed 1,000 people" God lets him in, "What have you done" He says to the second. "I killed 2,000 people" God lets him in, "And what have you done" God asks the third. "I peed in the holy water"
it worked, it's just a shit joke.
God told them to sin, they did.
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If at first you don't succede, Sky diving isn't for you.
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