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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

short story
life of a lipgloss
Replies: 8Last Post Aug. 18, 2008 2:59pm by dudeineedhelp
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( dudeineedhelp )


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gone

Post edited at 7:20 am on Oct. 15, 2008 by dudeineedhelp

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you mormons are some brave mother***** :- husel n flow DJAY


2:49 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2005 | Days Active: 460
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Fortis Obscurum


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I didn't find it that good

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I dream not to be a Super Hero, but a Super Villain.
Then will I unite the world, where other Heroes have failed.
   -Eric D. Chandler

2:50 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: May 2008 | Days Active: 372
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MXfreak


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fun stuff

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sup?

2:50 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 202
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deaths door14


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it's a pretty good start.

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It's too late to save myself from falling.
Don't let the sun go down on me.

2:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2006 | Days Active: 432
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HateParents


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What a genuine anecdote.

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Penis.

2:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2008 | Days Active: 159
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gman101


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i have no clue y you would want to think like a lipgloss.

2:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: April 2008 | Days Active: 152
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( dudeineedhelp )


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Quote: from HateParents at 10:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008

What a genuine anecdote.

hmm is that sarcasm lol

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you mormons are some brave mother***** :- husel n flow DJAY


2:52 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2005 | Days Active: 460
Join to learn more about dudeineedhelp United Arab Emirates | Straight Female | Posts: 1,689 | Points: 6,217
Al Legator


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Honest opinion is- it doesn't really go very far. It doesn't engage the reader or make me care about what's going on. It almost sounds like a riddle, rather than a story.(Also, "quite" was mis-typed ; )  .)

If you want to take it further, maybe make the lipgloss a seemingly minor but ultimately pivotal point in a story about the person...a clue in  a crime story, or an itme that bridges two individual lives or stories of two or more people.

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A Parent, old geezer, and occasionally right. Good judgment comes from bad
experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.


2:55 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2003 | Days Active: 409
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( dudeineedhelp )


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Quote: from Al Legator at 10:55 pm on Aug. 18, 2008

Honest opinion is- it doesn't really go very far. It doesn't engage the reader or make me care about what's going on. It almost sounds like a riddle, rather than a story.(Also, "quite" was mis-typed ; ) .)

If you want to take it further, maybe make the lipgloss a seemingly minor but ultimately pivotal point in a story about the person...a clue in a crime story, or an itme that bridges two individual lives or stories of two or more people.


thanks il keep that in mind

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you mormons are some brave mother***** :- husel n flow DJAY


2:59 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2005 | Days Active: 460
Join to learn more about dudeineedhelp United Arab Emirates | Straight Female | Posts: 1,689 | Points: 6,217
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