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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

what do u think of this poem?
Replies: 9Last Post Aug. 19, 2008 8:39am by Velico112
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Choice Votes Percent  
i love it 5 17%
it's pretty good 3 10%
it's ok 12 42%
i hate it 8 28%
Vote Now! 28 Votes Cast
( mackenzie13 )


Professional
Reply
i wrote this when i was 12..

it seems so cliche
to write about tears,
but it's what i feel,
what i fear

they pour down my face
just like a river,
they give me goosebumps
make me shiver

even though it's over,
i still wish there could be us
feel all that care
all that trust

i keep hoping it will be you
when i pick up the phone
but the deed is done,
the seed has been sown

all that i wrote in this poem is true,
even this last line:
i love you

-------
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its
pupils. -Louis Hector Berlioz


8:17 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 77
Join to learn more about mackenzie13 Texas, United States | GLBT Ally Female | Posts: 1,175 | Points: 2,036
ashleyacid


Omnipotent One

Patron
Reply
I hate it.

-------
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

8:17 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: July 2007 | Days Active: 536
Join to learn more about ashleyacid Alabama, United States | Female | Posts: 8,970 | Points: 17,386
im with stupid


Swami

Sustainer
Support Leader
Reply
It seems too mundane.

-------
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

8:17 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: June 2006 | Days Active: 482
Join to learn more about im with stupid Wisconsin, United States | Bisexual Male | Posts: 21,706 | Points: 27,318
hooray for rootbeer


Visionary
Reply
i hate it.

-------
Lose yourself in lines dissecting.

8:18 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2006 | Days Active: 151
Join to learn more about hooray for rootbeer Michigan, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 6,450 | Points: 8,708
HXC


Enlightened One

Patron
Reply
lame.

-------
Move your hands and feet. i dont even care if you dance offbeat.
when you dance on me, keep hands off please.
I dont want nobody to think im with you, i mean you seem cool
but your friend seems pretty damn cool too

8:18 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2007 | Days Active: 263
Join to learn more about HXC Czech Republic | Straight Male | Posts: 12,003 | Points: 14,618
jamesish


Je vous aime, Je dois partir

Sustainer
Support Leader
Tech Support Leader
Reply
Its decent.

-------
We're falling fast.
I used to be scared, denying who I was

8:19 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 412
Join to learn more about jamesish South Carolina, United States | Male | Posts: 21,793 | Points: 35,267
Lihiro


Connoisseur

Patron
Reply
Lameish.

But don't we all hate poems we wrote when we were 12?

I CRINGE at mine.

-------
DFTBA.
Now an obligatory party song/dance.


8:19 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 178
Join to learn more about Lihiro England, United Kingdom | Straight Male | Posts: 3,155 | Points: 6,939
jamesshadowwolf

Advisor
Reply
he im a guy and for a 12 year old that was pritty good.  dont lisen to the others puttign you down. they probly just people who think ohh its a poem...

-------
Cheack out My Help Site i Made.
support4teens

8:20 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 55
Join to learn more about jamesshadowwolf Ontario, Canada | Straight Male | Posts: 1,128 | Points: 653
dragonking


Vanguard of Socialism

Patron
Reply
It's good for a 12 year old to have wrote.

-------
Dragonking: LW's Own Superhero! RIP MOM 5-30-07 :'(

8:30 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 | Joined: May 2005 | Days Active: 1,220
Join to learn more about dragonking New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 21,336 | Points: 38,259
Velico112


Wealthy Hobo
Reply
excellent

8:39 am on Aug. 19, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2007 | Days Active: 322
Join to learn more about Velico112 Rhode Island, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 2,195 | Points: 5,135
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