I'm not really asking for advice, I guess. Just sort of getting it all out...I'm so stressed out right now, I could just cry.

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"Under the hardness of her facade a woman's heart is still beating."

I hope that makes even a little bit of sense =(

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If you happen to die in a lift, be sure to press the up button ;)

Your boyfriend doesn't mean to put you down, but really, he wants you to be realistic.  He wants to make sure that you don't get hurt during all of this... BUT.

He doesn't consider your will.  And that's something that people rule out.  Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's impossible.  That doesn't mean that you won't dedicate time to learning it, and that DOESN'T mean that you CAN'T learn it no matter how hard you try.  When something is hard, it DOES mean that you have to put forth the effort and realize that it WON'T be easy.  If you dont' understand, you can't rule yourself out as stupid, and suddenly start second guessing yourself.  It just means that things are getting more advanced, and you have to work you way up through the BASICS until you're confident with something more complicated.

In terms of your numbers?  Let me say this... people say that I am VERY good in math.  And you know what... it is my BEST subject.  But I second guess JUST like you do.  I can't even tell you how many times I've made stupid mistakes on tests JUST because I mess up some basic addition or multiplication.  It's caused me to be more careful.

But you know... math is SO far beyond basic addition.  I understand CONCEPTS, and just because I may need a paper or a pencil, or just some reassurance does not mean that I don't know HOW to do it, or that I can't do it.  And let me put it this way... if I needed a doctor.  I would prefer the one that double checked EVERYTHING than the doctor that never checked over his work.  THAT'S when mistakes happen, and by then, you can NOT take them back.  A simple math problem? Maybe... but if you go over one dollar on your bank account, that's a charge.  A simple head count at work?  You miss something, and it's coming back to you.

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Now, of course, it may affect your life, but I see nothing wrong with being careful.  If you feel that these things are obsessions and their controlling your life, then maybe it's something like OCD (I don't know much about this, but I'm just giving a general thought).  Then that's something you may want to deal with separately.

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I tell you this... people that love and care about you may sometimes lack supportiveness or may show doubts in you abilities.  They're WORRIED.  Can you blame them?  They see you excel in English, and now you've suddenly changed paths... they don't know YOU, and they can't DECIDE for you at what point you reach your limit.

In terms of being smart?  Smart comes in varying forms, and just because you have academic smarts or can do well in math, doesn't make you smart.  Math is much more than just memorizing equations, but understanding them and applying them.

Ultimately, maybe... it is hard.  Maybe someone else can understand the concept in an instant and solve problems, while you need more time.  But if YOU are willing to put forth that effort, and YOU are willing to try your best, and if YOU know that you can do it... then don't let it hold you back.  Do what you need to do to make YOURSELF happy, and remember... no one can determine YOUR potential.. that's up to you to decide.

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And sorry for the random rant... O__O.  Lol, I would take no offense if you didn't read any of it.

However, you're letting other people's judgements get the best of you. I think your boyfriend really is just joking about everything, but it might be going a little too far. If you are starting to believe him when he tells you that you aren't good enough or smart enough, then maybe it's time to put an end to this. Tell him how his "jokes" make you feel. I doubt he is doing it to intentionally hurt you. He most likely doesn't understand that what he is saying is really making you second guess yourself. You need to communicate this with him.

Secondly, I think you also need to really step back and give yourself some credit. It sounds like deep down you know what you're good at. So acknowledge that. Knowing your own strengths and assetts is one of the best ways to prevent letting other people bring you down.

You definitely aren't a loser. You are just letting someone else tell you who you are, and that's not right. Stand up for yourself and stay confident. The way I see it, the only problem you are going to face in math is overcoming your own doubts.


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Legalize marijuana.

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Now, of course, it may affect your life, but I see nothing wrong with being careful. If you feel that these things are obsessions and their controlling your life, then maybe it's something like OCD (I don't know much about this, but I'm just giving a general thought). Then that's something you may want to deal with separately.

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Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind quite a few times before. Can someone develop OCD or is it something you're born with? Because I wasn't always like this. I didn't realize just how bad I'd gotten until I got a job working at my Mom's place of employment and found that I couldn't do any of the basic math required without checking my work at least twice. Like, once, I used a calculator to multiply 2 and 70. That's such a basic problem...and yet I felt I couldn't be trusted to do it in my head and even checked my work.

I've been dealing with anxiety for a while now, too. It almost feels like it's sort of spreading...

But, no, I read everything everyone said here, you don't have to apologize. I was very pleasantly surprised when I came back to check my thread and found that I'd gotten such great replies, thank you to everyone who took the time to not only read what I wrote but to respond so intelligently and kindly as well.

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"Under the hardness of her facade a woman's heart is still beating."

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Quote: from Just Waiting Here at 3:56 pm on Aug. 18, 2008

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Now, of course, it may affect your life, but I see nothing wrong with being careful.  If you feel that these things are obsessions and their controlling your life, then maybe it's something like OCD (I don't know much about this, but I'm just giving a general thought).  Then that's something you may want to deal with separately.

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Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind quite a few times before. Can someone develop OCD or is it something you're born with? Because I wasn't always like this. I didn't realize just how bad I'd gotten until I got a job working at my Mom's place of employment and found that I couldn't do any of the basic math required without checking my work at least twice. Like, once, I used a calculator to multiply 2 and 70. That's such a basic problem...and yet I felt I couldn't be trusted to do it in my head and even checked my work.  

I've been dealing with anxiety for a while now, too. It almost feels like it's sort of spreading...

But, no, I read everything everyone said here, you don't have to apologize. I was very pleasantly surprised when I came back to check my thread and found that I'd gotten such great replies, thank you to everyone who took the time to not only read what I wrote but to respond so intelligently and kindly as well.

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Like I said, I'm similar.  But I think the anxiety aspect is probably largely apart of it.

Do you really strongly fear doing things wrong?  Afraid to be considered stupid, or judged because of a mistake?  And are these thoughts constantly on your mind?  I've very similar to that, and it's really caused me some problems... it's fear more than anything else really.

I went to a doctor recently and she said that my back, twitches, and stomach issues may ALL be stress/anxiety related.  It's amazing how much of a toll those things can take, no?  It's something you could consider, maybe even just talking to someone might relax you a bit... I'm sure you can always talk to your boyfriend, but you may be a bit more comfortable with someone that can give you the professional ok that there's nothing wrong, or that you can take an anxiety pill or something.

And haha, just so you know, I do the stupidest things on the calculators.  11+12 = 23.  And then I'll be like, wait... maybe I put a number in wrong, let me just make sure once more.  I'm like that too, I've made too many careless mistakes in math (like 3+4 = 5), that I just make sure to be a bit more careful.  Lmao, and in that case, I could NOT figure out why 7 was the right answer!  Lol, many people question my math abilities after that -__-'.

And it's normal, to be nervous.  Esepecially when it's coming down to your future.  It's not just middle school where you can do badly on a test and make it up later... it can affect your future, and simply put, that's SCARY.  But one thing I'm trying to tell myself (and what CaliKevin emphasized), is that YOU need to know YOUR limits, and DON'T ever underestimate yourself, because chances are, you're probably capable of alot more than you realize.

But it's funny that you do the same thing I do. I'll multiply, say, 70 and 7 on a calculator and get 490 and then think, "Maybe I put a number in incorrectly, though..." and do it two or three more times when I could have done it in my head to begin with. It takes up time and gives me headaches sometimes.

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"Under the hardness of her facade a woman's heart is still beating."

Would it be possible for you to seek psychiatric help?

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"In a world we need to share;
it's not enough to stand and stare." --Pink Floyd