I have nothing solid my life every time I get used to something it slips away no-one this life knows how I feel I feel everyones life is better than mine. I hate my mother and my father....its just my little brother I love.
I'm not a bad pers, I show love and compassion I care for people who aedwn but I can never get t back people are throwing it in my face without even realising it.

te my boarding scholevryone lookdwn on me life is so borin yt  can't bring mysel to kill myself because I know there will be bette days a light at the end of the tunnel, but you know what the light just isn't shining for me

About having real friends, maybe you need to have respect for yourself before others will respect you enough to become friends with you. The fact you are lowering yourself to give sexual pleasure to a guy who doesn't even want to be with you and only sees you as a cousinly figure then why do you do it? You may think you love him and you might I can't possibly know however you deserve to be loved so I suggest you stop going down on your knees to please this guy.

About making friends, you need to try and seem approachable because if you hate boarding school you might be shutting yourself off. Maybe think of some people who you know and try and do something fun and let them see the better side of you because you seem to think pretty low of yourself at the moment.

Killing yourself is never and will never be the answer. In life we don't go through tough times just to give up, some do but most pull through as they know at one point life will get better, what's life without it's little ups and downs. The light at the end of the tunnel will shine you just need to sort yourself out and think what you want from life, not what other people want from you. Personally when you feel down the best thing to do is focus on something which you want to achieve as it gives us the motivation to go through the shit that life throws at us.

*Emma*

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Dreaming Of A Day Where Things Are Different!

The Love Group Is Back

I'm sorry you are in this situation but as I look at it you can either bitch about it or make it work the way you would like it to work. Seem easy in words yet I know it's harder but what else can you do?!

It's hard to make friendships and sometimes it takes ages but don't give up. Focus on being more open and try to build a friendship with people who you think accept you as you are and that you like to be around. Don't come on with the attitude of being lonely and friendless because believe it or not people sense that vibes and they're not all that friendly. Rome wasn't build in a day and certainly a relationship of trust, care, love, etc - between two people takes perseverance. You are not the only one on boarding school who probably feels out of place! Maybe the other kids are feeling the same but nobody talks about it. Most of you are in that vulnerable place but that could bring you together.  

Be patient, understanding, compromise, listen... Just be yourself and soon you'll find a friend! - life is about this! soon you'll go to college/university and start it all over again! but the important thing is that you learn to not let go and keep trying! Catch your breath, pick your moments and don't life slide right by you.

The pain you have is understanding! but I'd advise to take it and make yourself stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? - Do that. Face your fears and see what's beneficial to you! This type of situations are really important because you determine and learn valuable skills, lessons, paths, things, etc; that you'll always need in your life. Think straight and be smart. What type of life do you want? What type of person do you want to be? How can you make it happen?

Your parents are probably just trying to give you what they think it's best. It might not seem like it to you though, but that doesn't seem like they hate you or want to hurt you. Perhaps communication is missing and you need to express them what's going on in that head of yours. Risk some things and see what you can get. Talk to them, would you? - Is the best thing you can do if you really think that boarding school isn't working for you (although if you think about it... You'll go to a new school again and start all over. Friendships and all.. Is that what you want? or can you make what you got work?) and if you want to work things with them out. Give it a try.

I think that you need to build up some self esteem and respect in order to be happier. It's obvious that you are not in a good place with yourself if you are putting yourself in a situation like that with that guy. You know that he doesn't want anything with you and that realistically you are wasting your life. Stop waiting for him and all those things he'll never do for you. He doesn't like you, well too bad. Get over it and find yourself a better place. I'm sure that once you start improving you'll find somebody new who will love you back but for now learn to love yourself.

Life is hard but there's always something more. We experience bad times to appreciate the good ones so just hang in there. You know this deep down! The life you want is waiting somewhere around here but you just need to find it and make it happen.

Good Luck!

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I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.