I want stop thinking of it.

I feel like crying.

Thats how much i want to cut.

But i cant.

I dont want to go to hospital again.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

I know that i can probs get away with cutting my legs like usual but i want to cut my arms..... i dont know why but i prefer them to my legs.

Sorry i know that to you im just another cutter.

The same story as everyone else.

And i dont even have a question.

I dont expect you all to stop me from doing it.

I've tried other things but it doesn't work.

I guess i just wanted to tell someone.

To relieve me of that weight.

Email them, phone them, whatever. It's amazing to get it off your chest.
And it's not easy overcoming any addiction...but if you hold up, you can make it.

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I want David Blue.
Right now.

Its just sooo blah.

Like im trying to keep myself preoccupied and all but everytime i stop.

Even for a second.

I start to think about it.

And my body feels weird.

Like i can feel all this.... Energy i guess is the best way to discribe it.... inside me.

Thanks for listening to my crap.

Oh and Lyn Lyn6 some friend you are.
Guess what... i have annoying friends too. I get tired of their complaints and what ever. But everytime they need someone to talk to i stop and i take the time to listen, no matter how annoying it is. I will always try to help them no matter what my personal feelings are. I will always help someone in need. You want to know why. Cayse im a good friend and a good person in general. Serioulsy if you say that stuff to your friends then i dont see why they would be your friends.

And if thats not bad enough its made worse by the fact that "YOU'VE  "DONE"   IT" You've gone through what they are. You know what its like, how it feels and yet you still turn your back.

Thanks again everyone for the encouragement.

like this one friend i have,
she just does it for attention so i tell her that.

if it was a diff friend and i know that friend will actually do it then o'course i'll listen and help out.

but i guess i dont know you so i guess that was just wrong of me to say so i apologize.
i've just been sick of them and i guess i ishly snapped here.

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i say it to them because i know for a fact they wont.
i know what goes on through their head.  
i know certain pplz who actually will.  
and i know the others who wont.  
that's why i say it.  

like this one friend i have,  
she just does it for attention so i tell her that.  

if it was a diff friend and i know that friend will actually do it then o'course i'll listen and help out.

but i guess i don't know you so i guess that was just wrong of me to say so i apologize.  
i've just been sick of them and i guess i ishly snapped here.

---

Ok well for starters none of this is said to try and hurt you (i don't think i would if it was) but its more like a debate or discussion. I'm glade that you listen to your friend who might actually kill herself. But that other friend that you don't listen too cause its just for "attention". Well it sounds like she too needs it. Like you have to think why is she acting like and attention seeker saying that she might kill herself. Could it be that her parents don't give her enough attention so she is trying to find it in other ways and the only way she feels she can get it is by acting this way? Or for the same reason she may feel unloved or useless and so she tells you these things in the hope to gauge what your reaction is therefor seeing how much you care for her or not. If you keep saying that you don't care that she can do what you want then maybe while she wont do anything now her self esteem will deteriorate and then she will do something even if she starts stratching herself... or then cutting (whilst still asking you and being regected) and then cutting deeper or deeper... Maybe even resulting in death whether on purpose or not.

Sorry i dont to sound all morbid and stuff but i just want you to think about why she would be so attention seeking. Is it a cry for help?  All that i said is what if's. There is a huge chance that im totally wrong. It could be something totally esle. But yeah just sit down and think  about it. Or talk to her. Maybe ask her if she would ever do anything. That you dont think she would but that you want to know why she is soo tells you these things. Why she wants the attention(all of these being said in a kind, soothing and friendly way of course.)

But yeah it's all just an idea. And its ok. I would say if you ever want to talk to me you can but im a little anonymous right now so that might cause a few problems
But yeah you should find someone that you can talk to. Even if its here. Just tell someone about them annoying you and hopefully you'll feel better. Also take some time for yourself. Alone time. Like if they keep talking to you on MSN appear offline or something so they cant talk to you.

Wow that was alittle long.