It's too hard, I just got out the hospital and I thought today maybe I will try hard to take care of myself. But it to hard I feel chest pains,joint pain, nausea. Yesterday I had a dream I was chocking on mucus and in fact I was while I was dreaming I kept trying to cough to clear my chest. When I woke up my throat and chest was filled with mucus I told me mom about the dream to. The smell is nauseating from the bacteria, I am tired all the fucking time and my nails seem blue all the damn time. I feel like going back to the hospital I can't fucking do it to sick and out of it to take care of myself. All the chest and joint pain make me want to take drugs just to help with the pain and take my mind off it but I don't have any now. The hospital the only place, and I can't damn take it anymore. I take fucking 3-5 baths a day just to get help with the joint pain. I need a damn nurse or somebody to take care of me because I can't do it anymore. I feel like asking my mom take me back to the hospital. But I am not sure.