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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

just an idea
Replies: 3Last Post Aug. 12, 2008 11:51am by 4irate
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( Anonymous )

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if you opened a book and read this would you be interested in reading more or is this awful??


Gravel slowly collapsed onto the varnished wood and weeping clouds gathered over head. As the rain cascaded down grief stricken faces it was hard to know who was crying and who was not. My eyes fell down and I was taken back in my mind to a few days previous to the moment I was asked if I would attend this day and I had replied in my usual monotone voice " I cannot, I'm sorry" it was too heart wrenching to even consider being here, and yet I am. How did I come to be standing in this very spot on a cold November afternoon watching these people fall to pieces, all unable to comfort one another with words, and so gently placed arms screamed volumes, around family members and friends.Its was not the first time families or friends had been reunited in grief and nor would it be the last. Especially for the very people I am here today with.  


11:48 am on Aug. 12, 2008
ird13


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Wow that sounded awesome. I would read more!

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"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens
to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with,
but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

11:49 am on Aug. 12, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 132
Join to learn more about ird13 Ohio, United States | Bisexual Female | Posts: 1,129 | Points: 3,527
Favole


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no

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I look up above at night
and wonder how can something so perfect, so soothing be so compicated?

11:49 am on Aug. 12, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 92
Join to learn more about Favole California, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 1,920 | Points: 2,996
4irate


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Yes except you didn't use commas enough. There were run ons.
But other then that pretty well written, good visual picture.

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please just follow me, I thought you wanted me cause I want
you all to myself.

11:51 am on Aug. 12, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 173
Join to learn more about 4irate Ontario, Canada | Straight Female | Posts: 4,382 | Points: 8,138
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