We travelled for 3 months together in South East Asia then had a month apart while he stayed in Thailand and I hitch-hiked around NZ with two of my girlfriends. We did the open relationship thing for like two weeks, then decided to call it off (during that time he had sex with about 4 girls, I did with one guy).

Since then we've just been back to every day life, we see each other EVERY single day for at least a few hours and most nights I sleep at his house or him at mine. We're still having a great time, we rarely fight, and we laugh a lot.

Thing is, I haven't hardly been single since I was 16. The beginning of grade 11 I started going out with Jesse, we were together for a year and a half and broke up when he decided that he wanted to go to school single. It was the hardest thing that ever happened to me (I went into a really deep depression for about a month, to the point where I'd wake up and take a couple shots of vodka just to get myself up and out the door to school, followed some days by more shots at breaktime... pathetic, I know, but I can't express how hard that time was). Made harder by the fact that 2 weeks later he was dating someone else (it was a summertime thing, they went out with the agreement that they'd break up come September)

About a month after Jesse and I broke up, I started seeing Rick. Rick and I dated for about 5 months, the beginning 3 months were good then we were seperated for a month while I went to work in the bush, and after that things started to go downhill... We fought a lot and I broke up with him in October (very hard, because he REALLY liked me, like thought I was his soul mate type thing... but it just didn't go both ways)

I'm embarassed to say this, but a couple days after Rick and I broke up, I hooked up with my current boyfriend Shawn. I honestly did NOT intend on another relationship at ALL, but we just... clicked. We saw each other practically every day from that night until two weeks later when he left to go travelling. Once he got to Asia he sent me an email saying "Well... why not come over here?". So, two weeks after that I was on a plane to Bangkok. One of the most random but best decisions of my life : )

Now that you have the background, here's my problem. I'm enrolled in a 3 month course in Edmonton this winter, at NAIT. Something inside of me REALLY wants to go down as a single girl. I don't know what it is, perhaps the fact that I have not really ever had a chance to truly BE single for long, I want freedom to meet lots of people (I know for a fact that I meet more people when I don't have a boyfriend, I guess I become more outgoing, trying to keep myself busy or something). I DO want freedom to hook up with other guys, and to for once just be AMBER without being "Amber and Jesse, Amber and Rick, Amber and Shawn..."

I'm also a believer in "what's meant to be is meant to be". The time when Jesse and I broke up was the hardest time of my life, but it's now been over a year and I'm so glad it all happened... made me realize that he was definitely not the guy for me. And to think that I was willing to have spent the rest of my life with him  

It's so freaking hard though, Shawn absolutely does not want to break up. And it's so hard on me, because I have been in his situation and I KNOW how incredibly hard it is. I can't believe I'm putting someone else through it. And the thing is, I KNOW I'm going to miss him insanely, and I know theres a chance that after 2 weeks I'm going to break down and call him up asking him to move down there. But on the other hand I really honestly think I should have time to be single...

I sat down and talked to some of my friends (guys and girls) at a party on friday, just looking for some advice. A couple of them said that I SHOULD go down single, and stated all the same reasons that I had in my head, and one said "Imagine yourself at 30 with some kids and wondering "what if?"'

Others said that Shawn and I should never break up, they were like "you two are the most beautiful couple, you need to get married" and so on and so forth. Without a doubt, we're the best couple our age that I know. We have the same group of amazing friends, we go out with them ALL the time (unlike those couples who hermitize themselves) and actually get out and DO stuff together. He's so handsome, we have amazing sex... everything is great for the most part. We don't have any serious issues between us.

I have nothing to complain about except for the fact that he's not the guy I always pictured myself with long-term... I come from a very horse oriented family, with lots of emphasis on hunting, handy-ness (my Dad is mechanically inclined, does carpentry/electrical/some plumbing, is a bush-plane pilot, ect) and the outdoors. Shawn comes from a sorta hippie family, he has hunted before but is hopeless when it comes to vehicles, snowmachines, horses, and so on. In his defense, he DOES try hard with the horses and he's learning quickly, I'm very proud of him.

I guess I just always thought that I'd be with someone like... well, like my Dad. A cowboy who knows the outdoors and hunting (my Dad has been guiding big-game hunts for 20 years, and I've held a guides license for 2 years now). Someone who can fix anything, someone with a lot of ambition and drive (Shawn is perfectly content to play video games all day).

I love him so much, but it's so difficult to shake the image in my mind of the "perfect guy". And maybe that's why I want to be single in Alberta, FINALLY I'm heading down to horse country and I can meet guys more like myself, and see if that's truly what I want.

Am I ruining a good thing by considering doing this?

AHHHH I'm just so confused. I really, really need some outside advice here guys  

I apologize for the massive-ness of this topic, and thank you in advance.

Post edited at 5:29 pm on Aug. 10, 2008 by Ice318

-------
I'd rather  be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Even if it only lasts a few days, you'll be able to meet new people and be single for a while, like you want to. Maybe just take a break for a few weeks, to see if it works for you two or not. If it does, then you're probably doing yourself well to end it now, but if you two both miss each other and want to get back together, then you can get back together. Honestly, there's not much point in feeling guilty about it if you end up doing it, because you never know how it will end up.

Who knows? It could end up being like what happened with Jesse; it hurts for a while, but eventually you look back and are glad you did it. Or it could be like what happened with Rick; you decide to take a break and then soon you find something that much better. Maybe the whole thing you had with Sean is meant to just be a wild adventure that you look back on and smile when you're in the arms of your yet-to-be-found love.

I know it would be hard to do, I can't even imagine trying to break up with my boyfriend, but in the end I really think it could be for the best. You don't have to listen to any of what I've said, but this is what I think would be best for you to do. Obviously there are some good reasons to stay with him as well, and in the end only you can decide what to do. I wish you the best of luck with everything, and I hope that whatever decision you make turns out right.

-------
Sexual innuendo.

---

I think it would probably be best for you to break up with Sean.

Even if it only lasts a few days, you'll be able to meet new people and be single for a while, like you want to. Maybe just take a break for a few weeks, to see if it works for you two or not. If it does, then you're probably doing yourself well to end it now, but if you two both miss each other and want to get back together, then you can get back together. Honestly, there's not much point in feeling guilty about it if you end up doing it, because you never know how it will end up.

Who knows? It could end up being like what happened with Jesse; it hurts for a while, but eventually you look back and are glad you did it. Or it could be like what happened with Rick; you decide to take a break and then soon you find something that much better. Maybe the whole thing you had with Sean is meant to just be a wild adventure that you look back on and smile when you're in the arms of your yet-to-be-found love.  

I know it would be hard to do, I can't even imagine trying to break up with my boyfriend, but in the end I really think it could be for the best. You don't have to listen to any of what I've said, but this is what I think would be best for you to do. Obviously there are some good reasons to stay with him as well, and in the end only you can decide what to do. I wish you the best of luck with everything, and I hope that whatever decision you make turns out right.

---

thank you so much for that.

after thinking about this even more, I'm sure that it's what I have to do. It's so hard though, because he absolutely does not want to go through with this.. and I hate hurting him like this, I know what it feels like to be in his situation. And now I also know what it felt like to be in Jesse's place. I keep telling him my reasons, and he just doesn't understand. I told him what our friends said when I talked to them, and he just came up with excuses like "but they're all single, of course they would say that", ect

It's just so hard, the last thing I want to do is break his heart. But I CAN'T stay with him just for his sake.

-------
I'd rather  be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Shawn sounds like a good guy and all, but it really doesn't sound like you would make any long term arrangements around him. Once you find a guy that you honestly think that you would marry, you should date and possibly marry him. Until you find that guy, you shouldn't really try.

Maybe you should try to explain to Shawn what your thoughts are. You guys could take a break for a little while. All signs points that you want freedom, and I don't blame you. We all need freedom. I think you would be much happier if you broke up with him and just stayed single for however long you would like.

Your friends have a powerful influence on what you think. They may say that you would make the perfect couple, and that you should get married. A lot of friends say this, but it may not really be the best choice. If it is meant to be, it will happen. You need to decide what happens, but it sounds like you really need to take a break for a while. You should get your mind together, and then just have some fun!

In conclusion, I think that you two should break up. All you want is a little freedom, and it wouldn't hurt to take a little break. You can PM me if you want to talk further. Good luck!

-------
We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breaker
Watch the world die

---

He's so handsome, we have amazing sex... everything is great for the most part. We don't have any serious issues between us.

---

This was the deciding factor for me... I think you should break up with him. I don't really see it lasting if this is what comes to mind when you think of him...  

Plus, I agree that everyone deserves some single time when they are young (I've been in an extreeeeeeeeeemely long relationship myself and am now feeling the same urge to be free)

edit: Although, of course, the above characteristics of this boy are necessary, too... Heh

Post edited at 11:50 pm on Aug. 12, 2008 by lilly st laurent

-------
there was something broken inside her head and floating loose there,
which she might displace by talking (too loud)