I know how you feel about seeing all the happy people will make you feel worse.  At least try and be happy you will be going to camp and try to have fun with the other people there.

Post edited at 4:17 pm on July 6, 2008 by dragonking

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Dragonking: LW's Own Superhero! RIP MOM 5-30-07 :'(

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At least you went a week with out doing it. That's a start to quit cutting. I think it would be good to tell your Mom about your cutting so she can help or get you help to quit.

Try and be happy you will be going to camp and try to have fun with the other people there.

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please my mom is one of the people who makes me feel worthless and makes me cut. she wouldn't care. i'm going to try but i doubt that will get anywhere it never does

As for your mum.. forget about her for now. Focus on yourself. If your mum is as unsupportive as you say, then (at least for now) the only person you can rely on is yourself. And you've relied on yourself for a week. So you know you can do it. Don't get too caught up on people who hurt you. Maybe one day, you can work it out with her. But just focus on your own goals for now if it's too much to try and work with her now.

Same with the camp people. Don't dwell too much on your differences and if they are any fun, then great. And if they aren't, then just don't mind them and be there for yourself, just like at home.

Use your time at camp to go yet another week without S.I.  Odds are that while you are surrounded by lots of people (and especially happy people, as you pointed out) that you will not have the chance to cut, even if you have an urge to.  The more you pile up these whole weeks without cutting, the closer you get to eventually quitting altogether.  Try to keep short-term goals in mind (like not cutting for a week) rather than telling yourself you will never cut again.  It makes the process much less overwhelming, and slip-ups are less devastating.

As for your mom, perhaps it would help to start verbalizing things with her a bit more  I understand that this is much easier said than done, but it could be worth a try.  When she really starts to get at you, try taking a few deep breaths and reasoning with her instead of storming off to your room where you are at risk to SI.  Try explaining to her what's getting at you, and why she's bothering you.  AGAIN, I know this is so not an easy thing to do (I had plenty of blow-ups with my parents throughout the years) but if you can do it, it is so worth it.

Finally, have you talked to a doctor, therapist or counselor at all about this?  Your cutting may be a sign of a more serious issue, such as depression, and you owe it to yourself to get some professional advice.  I know admitting to needing help is intimidating, but it is worth it in the long run.  

If you need someone to talk to ever, especially if you feel the need to SI, just send me a PM.  I would be happy to help anytime.

You may also want to check out LW's Guide to SI for more support and advice.
http://www.golivewire.com/forums/peer-iaeioy-support-a.html

Good luck with everything and don't give up.  You can do it! :)

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