And now I am lost
I can't find my way
It was your smile that i needed
To get me through the day

I never saw this coming
Ah..
These are the chances that we take
And these are the consequences
For the choices that we've made
And I've made mine
Tear lined faces, and fresh scars..
Can not deny
What i regret

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If this is crazy, I pitty the sane!

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i dont like it, it doesnt rhyme

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i dont like it, it doesnt rhyme

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are you sure you didn't copypasta from every poem on this forum just like this?

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That's not copy pasta.

This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta This is copy pasta

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If crime fighters fight crime
and fire fighters fight fire,
what do freedom fighters fight?

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are you sure you didn't copypasta from every poem on this forum just like this?

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yea.. I am pretty sure.. but then again, it is possible i just coppied, and pasted.. but i wouldn't do that..
NO! everyone has a mouse, i have a heart.. and that was self expression of a tragic romance.

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If this is crazy, I pitty the sane!

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is that a song? What one??

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no, it just bleeds truth to a tragic romance.

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If this is crazy, I pitty the sane!

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Quote: from Micus at 10:52 pm on July 5, 2008

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are you sure you didn't copypasta from every poem on this forum just like this?

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yea.. I am pretty sure.. but then again, it is possible i just coppied, and pasted.. but i wouldn't do that..
NO! everyone has a mouse, i have a heart.. and that was self expression of a tragic romance.

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Eh, it seems AWFUL cliche. Perhaps you could do for some revising, maybe make it unique! Use extended metaphors and the like.

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Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto

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Quote: from tragic romance at 2:01 am on July 6, 2008

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Quote: from Micus at 10:52 pm on July 5, 2008

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are you sure you didn't copypasta from every poem on this forum just like this?

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 yea.. I am pretty sure.. but then again, it is possible i just coppied, and pasted.. but i wouldn't do that..  
 NO! everyone has a mouse, i have a heart.. and that was self expression of a tragic romance.

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Eh, it seems AWFUL cliche. Perhaps you could do for some revising, maybe make it unique! Use extended metaphors and the like.

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yea, i suppose i could, and thank you for your advice, but it was just quick venting i wrote a few weeks back and was wondering what people thought of it, nothing i plan on publishing.. like i said before, it just bleeds truth to a tragic romance.

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If this is crazy, I pitty the sane!

Also, what's with the obssession over the phrase "tragic romance?"  'Cause I only saw one instance of something that could vaguely consider to have something to do with romance.  Currently it seems to me that it is some form of tragicomedy, but could be better with some work.

For the first part, look how I've changed it:

Tragedy
Tragedy
Tragedy
Tra-tra-tra-tragedy!

There are secrets I hold within
Covered by my shattered heart
They can't penetrate my glassy veil of skin
I will not say anything
I will not say anything

My tears stain my sad face
And we cannot deny
Silence was what we needed to keep hold our lives in place
We're heading out into outer space
To see the stars
And visit Mars
Together

An opportunity like this
Was all that it just took
An opportunity like this
Was all that it just took
To tear us down.

Voila, and a slight improvement to the first part of your song.  May not be perfect, I wrote it in five minutes.

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Death is the ultimate experience. The last thing to die is hope.

Also, you could try using techniques such as alliteration (the lovely lesbian licked her luscious lips) and assonance (the golden globe opened the orange), among other things.

There is SO much more you can do with poetry besides putting pretty words down on a page!

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Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto

Shakespeare writing "Woe is me" was not a green card for every motherfucker to start thinking that emo poetry is good poetry. All it was was an example of how emo poetry is fucking lame and gay unless you're the best poet/playwright who ever lived.

In my opinion if your name is not Shakespeare emo is off limits.

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Who dares wins. - Special Air Service