My boyfriend and I had been together for over a year when our relationship became long distance cuz he went to college on the other side of the country from me. i still got to see him on breaks so it wasn't so bad, but at the end of the school year his family decided to move to the state where he goes to college cuz his dad got a job offer there and they can be closer to him. so now there's no coming home to me anymore to keep us together.

so far this summer we tried anyway cuz we love each other so much but he said he can't handle it anymore. he doesn't want a long distance relationship and doesn't want us to hold each other back. he flew here to break up in person and so we could have one last wonderful time together and it was perfect and amazing and I could tell how much he still loves me and we were both sobbing at the airport when he had to go home.

we decided we didn't want to lose each other completely so we're inexclusively dating. on facebook it says we're single so we don't hold each other back from other dating opportunities, but if we ever get the chance to fly out and see each other we will. we still talk a lot and say i love you. my feelings are just as strong as ever. but he's still trying to pull away and not be as serious and emotionally involved in the relationship cuz he says it's for the best. I know it is but it's so hard cuz I love him. and I know he still loves me.

We're trying to find a balance where we can still talk and be there for each other like we've always been, but be open to other relationships. Is this stupid? Should we just make a clean break? I don't know if I can. I'm so torn between just letting him go, which seems so impossible, and holding onto something I can't have in its entirety. is having some of him better than nothing?

please help I don't know what to do. I love him so much and we've been together for so long that I can't imagine life without him completely.

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Save tonight, fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone

Obviously, the situation you guys are in right now is not making you happy. And that's the most important thing in life - happiness. After you've been serious with this guy for so long, I think it's somewhat unfair that you're now in an open relationship. I really, really think you guys need to talk about this. My real concern is that you're going to get so, so hurt if he finds somebody else. Open relationships are dangerous waters - you really love this guy and I think your emotions are still too raw for this to be an option. This is why I'd recommend that you guys make a decision.

I know that is such a scary idea, I really understand that, but I think that you need to put your happiness first. Happiness is so, so important and I just don't think it's going to happen whilst you're in this situation. I think you need to talk to him and find out whether he thinks you guys would cope if you had a long distance relationship and gave this another go, because if he doesn't think it will work, honey, I think you need to accept that it's over. I totally understand that that's a horrible idea, but I really don't think it's fair that you're stuck in an open relationship where you're unsure, especially considering your feelings for this guy.

I know the idea of a clean break is horrible, and I'm not in any way saying you guys can't still be friends, but I think, romantically, you need some space from eachother. You both need to sort out your feelings, and I think the best way to do this is abandon the romantic side to your relationship. Honey, you need to remember, he's not your boyfriend anymore. I know you love him, but I think that staying in an open relationship which has no certainty is just going to hurt you so much more in the end.

Stay strong, I know this is hard, and as I said at the beginning, don't take any decision lightly. My inbox is always open, and I always check back on my replies, so feel free to reply in this topic too. Good luck (:

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oh, she's a dreamer ♥
be the change you wish to see in the world
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currently studying in france

the thing is, we still intend to see each other. he wants me to come to his college's homecoming in the fall, but I might not be able to go so if that doesn't happen it's probably for the best cuz that's definitely a romantic situation.

however, we'll at least see each other biannually unless even the friendship doesn't work out between us, cuz he wants to come back for Christmas and we have plans for next summer too. is that a bad idea? I like to think it's not just cuz it's so far from now that hopefully we'll both have moved on and be ok with seeing each other.

or we could fall back in love just seeing each other, which could be possible cuz the only way I've really been able to start getting over him is cuz i don't have the opportunity to see him. is it worth that risk? or should I just not even worry about it and not count seeing him again? that scares me because he really is my best friend over everything else and the idea of never seeing him again is devastating.

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Save tonight, fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone

As I said before, I think it's perfectly natural that you guys want to stay friends and I don't really see that as a problem unless you think of it as being an opportunity to get back together. It's not a dangerous situation to be in, but you obviously need to remember that last time you guys tried a long-distance relationship, it unfortunately didn't last. However, as long as that's clear for the both of you, I wouldn't see any problem with you guys meeting up as friends UNLESS you think you're going to end up falling for him all over again.

Aw, sweetheart, I know this is so, so hard for you right now, but I think you need to try and focus on each day as it comes. Nobody knows how you're going to be feeling in a few months time, so I think it's important for you not to focus on these plans at Christmas/Summer as some kind of...celebration. I know you really want to see him, but don't look at it as something to long for. Christmas is six months away, and a lot might have happened between now and then, so I think you need to try and avoid looking too far into the future.

Focus on other things - have fun with your friends, focus on your college work or get a part-time job. I know you miss him, and I know you love him, but the focuses in your life need to change now that you guys are no longer together. There are so many other things in life to enjoy - make the most of being young and being able to go out and have fun. I hope that managed to help you a little more, good luck (:

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oh, she's a dreamer ♥
be the change you wish to see in the world
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currently studying in france