Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

fall out of tree, not see.

......NO FEE

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, 'So, what's the catch?'

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

I am a very tall man (6'10").

I was once on a flight from Auckland, New Zealand to a small town way down on the extreme souther tip of the South Island called Invercargill.

The plane I was flying in was very old propellar driven thing, I think it was a C47 Goonie Bird.

The toilet was certainly not designed for a guy my size because the bowl was against the far wall, but the ceiling curved backwards. I found myself leaning way back like I was doing the limbo and trying to urinate at the same time.

Being a propellar driven plane, we hit a bit of turbulance. Because I was leaning backwards so much, put my left hand behind me to brace myself against the door and continued to urinate.

My left hand accidentally hit the door latch and I fell backwards into the aisle and every passenger turned around to see me laying in the aisle with my penis in my hand and I could not stop urinating for the life of me.

I got back into the toilet and composed myself. After another 10 minutes, i returned to my seat and everyone started to applaud.

One old man thanked me for the funiest sight he had seen in all of his life.

I have never returned to New Zealand since.  

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

 During my first year in college, I lived on the campus' first "co-ed by room" dormitory floor.

All the other floors had girls in one wing, and boys in the other wing, separated by a big shared lounge. But on our floor we had girls next door and directly across the hallway. It worked out great, and there were no problems or complaints.

Anyway, one morning I woke up early and had to take a leak, so I sleepily shuffled down the hallway toward the bathroom, wearing only my boxer shorts. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I passed a couple of girls on their way to breakfast and I mumbled a half-awake "good morning." They didn't respond. Instead, they stopped walking, turned around and watched me, as I walked past them. Then they burst out laughing.

I thought, "What's up with them?! This is how people look in the morning, when they're half awake." I walked into the bathroom, stepped into the stall, and reached down to free the Big Guy for a much needed pee.

To my horror, the Big Guy was already out of the front of my boxers! And he wasn't looking the least bit sleepy! He'd been proudly saluting all the way to the bathroom! I guess it's true what they say: You can't keep a good man down.

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

Hillary went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. 'Does thisparrot talk?' she asked.

'Yes, he does,' the manager told her. 'But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?' she asked. 'Well, ma'am,' the manager told her, 'Not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whorehouse, and his language is terrible.'

'Well, I want him,' she said. 'Suit yourself,' the manager shrugged. When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye, and said, 'New house, new madam.' Hillary laughed.

Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. 'New house, new whores,' the parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hilary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed at him.

A few minutes later, the president entered the living quarters. The parrot looked up from his feeder and said, 'Hi, Bill.'

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

This is the FBI summary of a conversation that took place this week between President Clinton and Ashley, a brand new intern in the White House.

Ashley walked into the White House for her first day of her internship and was greeted by the President. After a short tour of the White House the President asked, 'How would you like to see the Presidential Clock?'

Ashley looked troubled and said 'I don't know Mr. President. I have heard some pretty bad things about you. I don't think that would be a good idea.'

'Nonsense' said the President. 'It's just a clock.' Ashley agreed and the President led her into the Oval Office where they were alone. He closed the door, dropped his pants, and pulled it out. Ashley gasped.

'Oh that's not the Presidential Clock, that's the Presidential Cock!'

To which the President responded, 'Ashley, honey, once you put a face and two hands on it, it's a clock!'

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

---

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

There was a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, what happened to those 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did Bob have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were bent over laughing.

---

Haha classic

-------
Normal people worry me

---

ooo these rock!  

---

'Hey Batman', he says 'Wanna' go out tonight?'

No I can't', replies Batman. 'The Batmobile is broken and I gotta' stay home and fix it, or else I won't be able to fight crime'.

'You loser,' says Superman and flies away. He decides to stop by Spiderman's house. 'Hey, Spidy, how about hitting the town tonight, you and me,' he says.

'I'd love to, but I can't', replies Spiderman. 'My web is broken and I gotta' fix it to fight crime'.

Superman, all disgusted says 'You loser. Stay home on a Friday night and fix your damn web'.

So he flies away. While flying from up above he spots Wonder Woman stark naked and lying down on her back spread-eagle. Superman thinks, 'Hey, I am Superman, I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie and fly back out and she won't even feel it.'

Superman flies down, does a quick in-out-in-out and flies back out at the speed of light.

Wonder Woman says, 'What the hell was that?' The Invisible man says, 'I don't know but my ass is killing me!'

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.'

'Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.'

'And, most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.'

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, 'What did the doctor say?'

'You're going to die,' she replied.

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

---

*giggles* Those are quite funny. I like the one on page two about 20 things we've learned from Hollywood or something and the Superman one lol.

---

The guy in the middle said, 'Man, I dreamt I was cross-country skiing.'

-------
Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!