What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

There was a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, what happened to those 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did Bob have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were bent over laughing.

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

LOL!!!

T
:)

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Für immer und ewig werde ich dich, Trudy, lieben und vermissen. Ich fühle mich geehrt, deinen Namen zu tragen.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings. The judge told Mickey, "Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce from Minnie!"

Mickey Mouse was stunned and asked, "Why not??!!"

The Judge said, "I've reviewed all the information you gave to the court, but I can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy!"

Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honor! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I said she was fucking Goofy!"


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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

Harry the Magician was performing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The pay was lousy, but the audience changed weekly, so he could do the same tricks over and over.

There was just one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand the tricks. So in the middle of the show, the parrot would shout:

'Look, it's not the same hat!'

'Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!'

'Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?'

Harry was furious but couldn't do anything since it was the captain's parrot.

Two weeks later, the ship sank. Harry saved himself by clinging to a piece of wood ... with the parrot perched on the other end.

Magician and parrot stared at each other with hatred for several days, but did not utter a single word.

After a week the parrot finally said: 'Okay, I give up. What did you do with the boat?'

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

5. Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.

6. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right continuously.

7. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

8. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

9. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

10. Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

11. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

12. Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become prostitutes or welders.

13. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

14. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total opposite.

16. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

17. Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children but to you, right there and then.

18. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

19. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

20. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

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20 Things We Have Learnt From Hollywood

1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.  

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.  

3. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.  

4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.  

5. Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.  

6. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right continuously.  

7. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.  

8. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.  

9. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will know all the steps.  

10. Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.  

11. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.  

12. Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become prostitutes or welders.  

13. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.  

14. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.  

15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total opposite.  

16. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.  

17. Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children but to you, right there and then.  

18. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.  

19. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.  

20. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

 

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All so true!

T
:)

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Für immer und ewig werde ich dich, Trudy, lieben und vermissen. Ich fühle mich geehrt, deinen Namen zu tragen.

T
:)

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Für immer und ewig werde ich dich, Trudy, lieben und vermissen. Ich fühle mich geehrt, deinen Namen zu tragen.

A grade school teacher gave the assignment to her class, that each student should think of a story and then a moral for that story to share with the class the next day. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, and little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Suzy replies,
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next little Lucy offers to tell her story Lucy, and she says, "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Lucy replies,
"Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."

Finally it's little Johnny's turn and he says, "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a machine gun, a machete, and case of beer. On the way down he drank the case of beer." "Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story and Johnny replies,
"Don't screw with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

One day three boys were walking down the street when they noticed a strange can in an alley they pick it up and a beatiful genie came out of the can. She said I'll give you three wishes. One said I want you to take you shirt off, another said I want you to take your pants off the last one said I want you to take everything off. The genie did as commanded but as she became completly naked they all ran away. An hour later the genie said why did you leave? The three boys all looked at eachother and one said my mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I'd turn to stone and I'll felt something getting hard.

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and stewardess.

He held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place. The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and says, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." But the copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." But the navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the stewardess's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HER brains all over the place." No one says a word, but the stewardess leaned over and whispered something into the hijacker's ear. He turned beet red, dropped his gun, and ran out of the cockpit in a panic.

The crew tracked down the hijacker, who was found cowering behind some crates in the hold, and tied him up. The pilot then asked the stewardess what she said that terrified the man so.

"I told him, sir," she replied, "that if he killed me, HE'd be the one who'd have to give you guys your blowjobs."

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Bow before the forces of Chaos.
Let the Galaxy burn and the heavens bleed!