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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

I need help / opioion
Replies: 3Last Post Nov. 17, 2008 1:14pm by nearlyinsane
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( emmywashere3849 )


Dairy Product Addict
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I need a title
and I cant decide whether or not I like the last stanza, should I drop it or change it.

-------------------------------------

In the silence of my mind
I hear you
You call out to me and I try to find you
but I can not, you are not there

In the darkness of my mind
I see you
You hold out your arms to me
But I can not get to you, you are not there

In the blandness of my mind
I taste you
You are so sweet, and beckon to me
But I can not have you, you are not there

In the hallow of my mind
I feel you
You are so warm, I try to hold you
But I can not, you are not there

In the stillness of my mind
I smell you
You are sensual and so inviting
But I can not really breath you in, you are not there

-----------------------------------

In the wakening of my mind
I have you
You are in my arms, so safe
I'll keep you, because you are right here

Post edited at 1:05 pm on Nov. 17, 2008 by emmywashere3849

-------
Whatever Happens, Happens, and you just have to go with the flow,
 and do what you think will make you happiest.


1:03 pm on Nov. 17, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 80
Join to learn more about emmywashere3849 Massachusetts, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 969 | Points: 1,800
RIMHfire


Soothsayer
Reply
Wake.

1:04 pm on Nov. 17, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 161
Join to learn more about RIMHfire Massachusetts, United States | Bi-curious Female | Posts: 10,085 | Points: 12,183
mandieelovess


Executive
Reply
Awaken in Silence

-------
I'll take the truth at any cost.

1:07 pm on Nov. 17, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 160
Join to learn more about mandieelovess Pennsylvania, United States | Questioning Female | Posts: 1,364 | Points: 3,172
nearlyinsane


Professional
Reply
Sensing you.

Something to do with senses would be PERFECT.

P.S. I like it :D

-------
We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us,
Oh, but sensible selves, can you kindly shut up?


1:14 pm on Nov. 17, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2007 | Days Active: 91
Join to learn more about nearlyinsane Ontario, Canada | Bi-curious Female | Posts: 1,205 | Points: 2,271
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