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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

An old poem I wrote
Replies: 9 — Last Post Mar. 31 9:20am by twiikz
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( Dragonfang93 )


Connoisseur 		Reply
Okay, this poem is so close to my heart. I wrote it for my ex-boyfriend that passed away, so I hold it very close.
I've been asked to read some poems at our graduation ceremony, I was just wondering what you think of one of the poems I've decided on:

Until Forever Fades Away

Some people say
You only get one chance
Some people's lives
Are lived like a dance
Particular steps
In just the right way
Until the pattern gets broken
On one special day

My dance was interrupted
By a boy on a white horse
And I fell in love
With him of course
He took my hand
He took the lead
He helped me mount
His faithful steed

We rode into the sunset
And kissed under the stars
Then we were connected
By the love in our hearts

He took my hand
He told me how
We glided over land
Until the final bow

We danced the night away
Until the stars turned to day
He turned to me
And I heard him say
'I'll be by your side
Until Forever Fades Away'

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http://dragcave.net/view/1HTg

2:31 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2006 | Days Active: 371
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Patron
Support Leader 		Reply
Its readable

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2:32 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2007 | Days Active: 710
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Gaelle

Visionary
Patron 		Reply
I like the meaning of it, but it's a bit too much rhyme for my taste.

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2:32 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 200
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kissmeimirish


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
sorry to hear its really sweet and really good :) .
2:33 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 76
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kakashisensei


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
um i dont think poetrty is really your thing this sucks king kong balls
2:34 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2008 | Days Active: 78
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xBeautifulTragedyx


Guru
Patron 		Reply
I like the first stanza.

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2:34 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2006 | Days Active: 377
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Rayne237


Advisor 		Reply
I think it's really sweet.....Fiction? Or nonfiction? He needs a copy....

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2:35 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Mar. 2008 | Days Active: 42
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kakashisensei


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
uggg... seriously, life is a dance? Riding away into the sunset on a white horse? Did you purposefully look up every oversused cliche situations in poems and put  them in this? Your poem is a satire on poetry right?
2:35 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2008 | Days Active: 78
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( Dragonfang93 )


Connoisseur 		Reply
Quote: from Rayne237 at 9:05 pm on Nov. 23, 2008
I think it's really sweet.....Fiction? Or nonfiction? He needs a copy....

Some of it is fiction, some of it isn't...

He's already read it... as I said, it's old... He read it before he died.

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2:41 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2006 | Days Active: 371
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twiikz


Connoisseur 		Reply
-_- sorry about the bad news... but loved the poem. xxxx

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9:20 am on Mar. 31, 2009 | Joined: Feb. 2009 | Days Active: 130
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