Freshman year I got into one of the top high schools in the state and now I'm a junior failing at an average school.  I don't have any ambition or motivation academically or careerwise, I have everything I want and need outside of school.  I am very happy with my life when school is not involved, and I do dedicate myself to other activities instead of hanging out and drinking, smoking getting into fights and getting girls pregnant like most people think when they think of burnouts.  I do many things, but dancing and music mean the most to me, and riches/"The American Dream" of having a big house and coming home from the office to say "Honey I'm home" does not appeal to me.

I am just tired of my parents being disappointed and everyone looking down on me.  I hate the disappointed looks on my teacher's faces when they ask why I missed class and I don't have an excuse and they know I have the potential to do a lot better.  My whole family gets concerned and I don't like that.  None of this has been enough to get my ass into and out of bed early.  Especially since I transferred schools, I no longer have friends looking out for me convincing me to do the right thing.

I will have to deal with my parents and family for a long time.  I want to help my dad out a little with paying off the house so that I can live in the basement nearly worry-free.  From there I'd be set, and I'd just need to make enough money to feed and clothe myself.  Me going to college won't make a difference.  My life reminds me of "All Falls Down" by Kanye.

"Man I promise, she's so self conscious/
She has no idea what she's doing in college/
That major that she majored in don't make no money/
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny/"

I'm a dude though. /rant

Post edited at 11:47 pm on Nov. 19, 2008 by Style Out

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I'm watching you.