My expectations for what constitutes a good day out in the world is essentially not being made fun of or threatened physically and remaining well-fed.

I don't care to interact on an above superficial level except in certain circumstances. All my time in class is spent not paying attention and drawing various cartoons which I show my classmates to get a reaction from them.

As the days go by I begin to idealize suicide and murder because I feel so hopeless and resentful towards the outside world for working so perfectly, while I am stuck, pathetic, a half-realized mockery of a human being. But all everyone sees is my cheerful infantile behavior. I keep the rage bottled up inside but it manifests itself in my bad behavior.

I feel trapped, like nowhere I go is comfortable or safe, and I am always being watched and harassed.

I and the world are so fortunate that I remain directly unprovoked because I don't think I can control myself otherwise.

I can offer no help though, apart from one piece of advice: Hang in there, cus sooner or later something or someone is gonna come along and you will be glad you are alive.

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Shit in a bucket or don't shit at all.