There's no long-drawn out explanation of how and why I got to this point. This is just it.

I see no future ahead of me. Seems like I'm just destined to fail in life. Everything I do is wrong. I'm always two steps behind.

I have no support system from my family. My parents don't let me do anything, and by that, I mean anything. I wanted to help out with the canned food drive at school, so I wanted to donate $20 of MY money. I recognize that we aren't rich or anything, but I have food on my table. Why can't I donate money *I* earned?

I'm afraid that when I get out in the real world, I won't know how to do anything, because I'm not allowed.

My grandma tries to help, but after a while her "You can do it!" "Just stay positive" gets annoying, and I stop talking to her, because it's hard to stay positive when shit continues to his the fan.

I'd prefer to die in my sleep of course.

This does not mean I'm going to go kill myself. I don't have the guts to do that. I just wish I could die. It'd be easier. To just get it over with.

I'm not making a significant contribution to this planet anyways.
Nothing [about me] matters.

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okay..
here is a question
how do your parents not support you?

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I don't know how to explain it to you, but you know how you hear of kids volunteering and stuff? Yeah, I could never do that.

If you want to talk, message me. I'll listen.

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New account is [m]Zetsuai[/m].
Won't be closing this account just quite yet.

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Quote: from RoseBeautyMagical416 at 5:05 pm on Nov. 18, 2008

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okay..  
 here is a question  
 how do your parents not support you?

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I don't know how to explain it to you, but you know how you hear of kids volunteering and stuff? Yeah, I could never do that.

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 Hey,  I feel the same way. Not the dying part, I mean the part where my parents don't let me do anything. Donating $20 of your money might make you feel as if, hey it's my money, it's none of your parents' business to see where you put to use of your money, furthermore it's for a good cause. But the reason they don't allow is because they probably don't see the use of it, they don't feel as..charitable as you. It doesn't really matter to them whether it's your own money or their money. What matters to them is that they might be thinking you are spending your money unwisely.
 So instead of feeling unsupported or something, try to think that you are doing this for yourself. It doesn't matter whether your parents approve of whatever you do...well, it does matter but at the end of the day, whatever you are doing, you are doing it for yourself and therefore don't get too upset.
 And for your grandma, yeah, it might get a little annoying because she doesn't really do anything and simply say the same things over and over again. But at least she's supporting you. So try to show your appreciation.

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Crunchy leaves.

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If you realize, barely anyone compared to the entire human population, makes any contribution to Earth. We all have big dreams, but most of our big dreams simply stay in our heads.  

  Hey, I feel the same way. Not the dying part, I mean the part where my parents don't let me do anything. Donating $20 of your money might make you feel as if, hey it's my money, it's none of your parents' business to see where you put to use of your money, furthermore it's for a good cause. But the reason they don't allow is because they probably don't see the use of it, they don't feel as..charitable as you. It doesn't really matter to them whether it's your own money or their money. What matters to them is that they might be thinking you are spending your money unwisely.  
  So instead of feeling unsupported or something, try to think that you are doing this for yourself. It doesn't matter whether your parents approve of whatever you do...well, it does matter but at the end of the day, whatever you are doing, you are doing it for yourself and therefore don't get too upset.
  And for your grandma, yeah, it might get a little annoying because she doesn't really do anything and simply say the same things over and over again. But at least she's supporting you. So try to show your appreciation.

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I'm responding to the first paragraph of what you said
I bet you are really helpful when it comes to cheering people up.. you ray of sunshine

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Quote: from CherryD at 5:14 pm on Nov. 18, 2008

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 If you realize, barely anyone compared to the entire human population, makes any contribution to Earth. We all have big dreams, but most of our big dreams simply stay in our heads.

  Hey,  I feel the same way. Not the dying part, I mean the part where my parents don't let me do anything. Donating $20 of your money might make you feel as if, hey it's my money, it's none of your parents' business to see where you put to use of your money, furthermore it's for a good cause. But the reason they don't allow is because they probably don't see the use of it, they don't feel as..charitable as you. It doesn't really matter to them whether it's your own money or their money. What matters to them is that they might be thinking you are spending your money unwisely.
  So instead of feeling unsupported or something, try to think that you are doing this for yourself. It doesn't matter whether your parents approve of whatever you do...well, it does matter but at the end of the day, whatever you are doing, you are doing it for yourself and therefore don't get too upset.  
  And for your grandma, yeah, it might get a little annoying because she doesn't really do anything and simply say the same things over and over again. But at least she's supporting you. So try to show your appreciation.

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I'm responding to the first paragraph of what you said
I bet you are really helpful when it comes to cheering people up.. you ray of sunshine

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Is that sincere or laced with sarcasm.

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Crunchy leaves.

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Quote: from RoseBeautyMagical416 at 9:17 am on Nov. 19, 2008

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Quote: from CherryD at 5:14 pm on Nov. 18, 2008

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If you realize, barely anyone compared to the entire human population, makes any contribution to Earth. We all have big dreams, but most of our big dreams simply stay in our heads.    

   Hey, I feel the same way. Not the dying part, I mean the part where my parents don't let me do anything. Donating $20 of your money might make you feel as if, hey it's my money, it's none of your parents' business to see where you put to use of your money, furthermore it's for a good cause. But the reason they don't allow is because they probably don't see the use of it, they don't feel as..charitable as you. It doesn't really matter to them whether it's your own money or their money. What matters to them is that they might be thinking you are spending your money unwisely.    
   So instead of feeling unsupported or something, try to think that you are doing this for yourself. It doesn't matter whether your parents approve of whatever you do...well, it does matter but at the end of the day, whatever you are doing, you are doing it for yourself and therefore don't get too upset.
   And for your grandma, yeah, it might get a little annoying because she doesn't really do anything and simply say the same things over and over again. But at least she's supporting you. So try to show your appreciation.

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 I'm responding to the first paragraph of what you said  
 I bet you are really helpful when it comes to cheering people up.. you ray of sunshine

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Is that sincere or laced with sarcasm.

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Have you ever tried explaining to them how you feel?

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Yes, they don't care.

However, them not supporting me is not neccessarily directly related to me wanting to die.

It's just more icing on the cake. I'm not really sure how to explain what is truly depressing me, which is why I didn't really get into it. =/

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Quote: from CherryD at 5:15 pm on Nov. 18, 2008

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Have you ever tried explaining to them how you feel?

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Yes, they don't care.

However, them not supporting me is not neccessarily directly related to me wanting to die.

It's just more icing on the cake. I'm not really sure how to explain what is truly depressing me, which is why I didn't really get into it. =/

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Well, have you read The Greatest Gift? It's about this guy named George feeling as if he has no contribution to anything and his life is worthless and he wished he was dead and one day while he was standing in front of the river debating over whether he should die or not a little man went over to him.
 George told the little man he wished he had never been born. The little man told him, "Well, you've got your wish. You are never born."
 Not believing him, George walked back home and he realizes the bank he worked in was closed down because apparently he "wasn't born" and therefore had never saved the bank, and some other stuff that may not seem significant but were. Like how his younger brother died because George had not been there to pull him out of the river when he had a cramp all of a sudden.

 It just makes you realize that you actually DO contribute to society, you HAVE helped people one way or another and without you, things would have been worse. It makes your life...significant, you know?

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Crunchy leaves.

There is this great saying I heard, it may sound optimistic and fluffy and all that crap, but it helped me.
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it is not ok then it is not the end"
   -unknown

If you ever need to talk I'll listen and I promise I won't use all that "just stay positive" crap.