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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

bad poem i just wrote
is it worth ediitng? or just toss it?
Replies: 4 — Last Post Nov. 18, 2008 4:18pm by TKDgoneveggie
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( bananawhore )


Advisor 		Reply
Life is like a vaccum
Sucks it all away
Opinions
Thoughts
Fun
Happiness
So you have to be
That thing that they call
Optimistic
Damn I hate that word
Being happy is overrated anyways
But sometimes
Its what you really need
Dwell on the things
That make you feel the way
You want to feel.
The things that life
Just couldn't take from you
So all you have to do
Toughen up
Muster up that courage
Look at the glass half full
Or at least a fourth of the way there
If the clichéd optimism
Is a bit too much for you to handle

And all your really doing
Is salvaging lost goods
All your really doing
Is digging through life's vaccume bag.

4:08 pm on Nov. 18, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 55
Join to learn more about bananawhore United States | Posts: 163 | Points: 637
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melanie2anne


Advisor 		Reply
its good but sad :(

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Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
4:09 pm on Nov. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 42
Join to learn more about melanie2anne Texas, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 126 | Points: 562
Lihiro


Visionary
Patron
Support Leader 		Reply
Oh god that was bad you're right.

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Don't stop.
4:09 pm on Nov. 18, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 215
Join to learn more about Lihiro England, United Kingdom | Straight Male | Posts: 3,766 | Points: 8,352
XsmilygirlX

Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
It actually good.  It kinda how I feel.

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It's better to feel pain than feel numb like I do.
4:10 pm on Nov. 18, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 69
Join to learn more about XsmilygirlX Indiana, United States | Bisexual Female | Posts: 1,120 | Points: 1,837
TKDgoneveggie


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
that felt a little less like a poem than a frank pessimistic statement
try to play with words a little more
poems are supposed to convey an experience and use that experience to get across your message

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Friends are those rare people who ask how we are,
and then wait to hear the answer.
4:18 pm on Nov. 18, 2008 | Joined: July 2005 | Days Active: 735
Join to learn more about TKDgoneveggie Virginia, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 1,690 | Points: 9,092
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