So here goes, take time to read it, who knows what you'll discover.

Reality for me sucks. Just sucks. I just came out of a great movie, Twilight, and it was amazing but made me depressed. It got me thinking how much I wish life was as easy as being a super strong, fast immortal.

You then contrast it with reality, full of murders, dirty streets, illness, boring lives. I dont want that. I just spend life with my huge imagination, wishing these things were real, would take me away and make me happy, make me a vampire, an immortal.

Day by day, school, teasing, bullying, I answer a question, and due to my preference to hanging round with females I am now dubbed "gayboy" by the jocks, the chav, y'know, the twats. It makes me think, gets m thinking, what if I was, would anyone care, what would people think. No no, I want a family, but I...I dont know. I guess thats label-free for you, for those who really dont give a shit.

Then theres things that make you self conscious, I hate my teeth, they're so misshapen why cant my nose be smaller, my hips are too big for a guy, whats wrong with me, Fuck, im so ugly.

The recession, the credit crunch, oh great, lets hit a world where no-one can afford anything.

I just wish life was simpler, like there was a place, a village, where the streets were clean, everyone was healthy and happy, with no worries, carefree. Its what I wish.

Thats what makes me depressed, knowing that reality is so much the opposite of what I wish it could be like, that reading books and seeing fantasy films, they seem almost real. I want to be there, with them. Happy.

Thats why I am depressed right now, not suicidal just sad, at knowing that the future holds nothing happy, all sadness and depression, repetitive days, weeks, months, years. I wish it wasn't like that, I wish could just be happy

Post edited at 9:17 am on Dec. 19, 2008 by Anonymous

Disliking things about you creates like a negativity bubble around you which turns everything negative as well. Try looking at the positives about yourself - we both know you have some positive features so tell yourself them and forget the negatives.

You wont be at school for much longer (even if it is a couple of years) what's a couple years compared to the rest of your life?

We all wish for a happier world, but we all know it will probably never happen because there will be negative, bad people forever. The only thing you can do is make YOUR life happy, put that first not the world. Don't let things like looks and money get you down. Focus on things like family friends future goals. So what you hang out with girls? I have a few guys who hang out in this massive girl group at school and they get called faggots, but they know they aren't and that is all that matters. The other guys are probably just jealous you're hanging with the girls.

Honestly, feel better because somehow life gets better eventually.

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Please take me at face value.
You won't like what is underneath.

I don't know why this happened.

Thing is, at the end of the day, you can only live with what you've got. Yeah, the world's pretty fucked up and things are pretty shit all round. That doesn't mean you can be happy in your own little world with your own life. It doesn't mean you can't make your own life the best it can be with the best of your ability.

I disagree with you on one major point though:

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Thats why I am depressed right now, not suicidal just sad, at knowing that the future holds nothing happy

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If you look at things on such a large scale then yeah, it's miserable. But look closer. Hope & happiness are indeed found in the darkest places. In the places more close to home. Try not to focus on how crap it all is because it will blind you too the stuff you can appreciate, should you let yourself. I've had to learn to do it because for such a long time I was fed up with the world and how awfully mundane life is. We all have to go through the motions of living - the job you hate to pay from a crappy wee house, not being able to turn on the news without hearing of yet another heartbreaking crime and not being able to leave the house without being troubled by "chavs" - but life can go beyond that. I suppose we just have to take the good with the bad.

I don't know what'll work for you, but for me personally I take joy in the tiny wee things no one else gives a shit about. I give a shit and it makes me happier and makes my life more enjoyable. Perhaps you should seek to do the same.

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i think you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see