A couple of weeks ago the love of my life, Brian, was returning home from one of his business trips that he takes. He had been gone for a few days and even though we talk on the phone every day that he's gone, it's still not the same as having him in person to talk to. He was telling me how well his meetings were going and the trip overall was going well, but he was anxious to get home and spend some time with me during the holidays. His next trip wasn't going to be until the middle of January so both of us were looking forward to the holidays together without any distractions.

Brian flew into Chicago like he normally does and shortly after his plane landed he called to let me know that his flight landed on-time and that he was going get his bags and head home. It's only about a 2 1/2 hour drive and I had decided to wait up for him, to greet him when he arrived home. I wasn't planning anything special for when he came home, although I did have his favorite bottle of wine chilling and I thought we could maybe just cuddle up and have a glass of wine or two.

About an hour and a half after I talked to Brian the phone rang, and it was Brian's dad calling. He told me that Brian was in a car accident on the freeway and that he was seriously injured. I felt my heart stop as I listened to his dad tell me what happened. As Brian was heading home he was making his way around Lake Michigan and the "lake effect snow machine" was in full force and visibility was severely reduced due to the heavy snow. According to witnesses and the police, a vehicle in front of Brian's SUV lost control of their car and as Brian swerved to avoid hitting the car, his SUV got sideways and rolled over four times and landed in the ditch. Brian was wearing his seatbelt at the time, but the severity of the crash still flung him around like a ragdoll land he smashed his head against the driver's window and it knocked him unconscious. Due to the heavy snow and road conditions, it took the rescuers over an hour to get to Brian and extricate him from the SUV, and then it was another half-hour to the hospital.

Brian's parents picked me up at our house and we drove out to the hospital to see him, and he looked awful. He had suffered multiple serious injuries including two broken legs, a collapsed lung and several broken ribs and was on life support when we arrived. I maintained a vigil for him at the hospital over the next couple of days, and during his second day in he slipped into a coma and his condition was listed as critical. Brian remained in a coma for over a week and he was just not improving. Then last Wednesday his dad called me to let me know that they had made the decision to pull him off of life support. I was devastated. I drove to hospital and was met by Brian's parents and I asked them if I could have a moment alone to say "goodbye" and the agreed. It was all I could do to walk into that room and know that this was going to be the last time that I would ever see him, that I was never going to be able to talk to him again. I held his hand in mine and just stared at him for a moment, then told him that I loved him and kissed him goodbye. I was crying my eyes out and I didn't want to let go of his hand, or him.

As I enter each day I don't know how I'm going to function without him, he was such an important part of my life. I feel like God has ripped my heart out from me and is stomping on it, and I just don't know what to do. The house and my soul are so empty without the sound of his voice, his laughter and his humor. I feel like there was something I could have done to prevent this from happening, but deep down I know that it was just an accident and nobody could have stopped it. My angel may be gone but I still have the memories to keep me from being totally alone. Our other housemates try what they can do keep my mind occupied but for the most part it doesn't help. I don't sleep at night, I hardly eat anymore and I just don't want to anything but curl up in bed and cry. Someday we'll be together again but this is not the way it was supposed to happen.

Goodbye my angel, I will always love you.

-------



Beautiful.