Has anyone else ever felt this? What do I do? That was my way to cope. I dont want to turn to drugs etc...It's scaring me.

WHY CANT I FEEL IT?

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"You may see her as a bright girl who is perfectly fine,
but inside she's crying and is dying of pain."

To others, thank you for the support. I appreciate it so much.

I am seeing aa therapist, on meds, etc. So I am getting help..

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"You may see her as a bright girl who is perfectly fine,
but inside she's crying and is dying of pain."

The first is that you're not in the right mindset for SI right now.  I know that for me, sometimes when I try to go back it doesn't help at all, and sometimes when I go back, it's the same as I remember.  It really is based on your frame of mind

The other is that your brain has shut down the receptors on the chemicals cutting releases, to try to keep you from overdosing.  It's the normal addiction curve, with a permanent consequence.

Regardless of what it is, you should do your best to try to avoid cutting.  You don't need to turn to drugs; they're just as bad, and will end up not working for you after a while as well.  Try finding other ways to cope.  Everyone is different, so I can't tell you what will work for you, but there's something out there that will help.  Bring this up with your therapist, but instead of focusing just on this, try to solve the problems making you want to cut.  Removing the source is better than treating the symptoms.

Good luck; please try not to hurt yourself, and if you do, be careful.

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We aren't gonna die. We can't die. You know why?Because
we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.