The release of adrenaline and that is nice. Ill admit to that. It gives you a good clean high, which can be enough to make you feel less depressed. In addition, it gives you that whole "My pain is real" sensation, which helps with the stress. However, it can be dangerous. It is addicting. And its just not the greatest way to deal with stress.
I definitely know where your coming from, especially going long periods of time without it, then starting back up. Just last night I found myself pressing a razor into my arm. Even though I barely broke skin and didnt cut, it was just exhilarating. Thats been my worst breakdown in about 8 months, which is much less time then you went, so I can only imagine how it must have been for you.
Just try to remember that its not an acceptable way to deal with the stress, and its going to work better to just talk to someone. If you have any questions or need someone to talk to, feel free to PM myself, or one of the SLs.
-------
Kids in the back seat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat can cause kids.
Moral: Drive a two seater