Hang in there   !

You said "parent" - so do you only have the one parent? Where is your other parent if this is the case and is this the original cause of your feelings in any way?

You said you can't hold your composure and that you are shaking and crying. Okay,  that's a panic reaction. The primitive part of your brain is kicking in and you are suffering because of it. You are thinking in black and white terms and you aren't using your higher, rational brain functions. That's stopping you from seeing possibilities that might help you deal with this situation. You need to learn to relax when this feeling begins to hit you. Now I know that is a MAMMOTH task. These feelings are no doubt sudden and very powerful and you probably feel out of control, but you CAN learn to spot triggers, to feel that sensation in your stomach starting up, and immediate begin a relaxation exercise. It will be hard at first, but with PRACTICE you can actually start to get your feelings and reactions under some degree of control.

I can help you with that perhaps if you like. Feel free to PM me.

Obviously once you can do that we have a lot to think about here, because your feelings are there for a reason. Your feelings are actually trying to help you, believe it or not. They are trying to keep you alive and tell you that things are very wrong in your life and you need to find a way to sort them out.

You looked at the scissors. Those aren't a solution. You're young, and unless you have left something out here you are able. You have a future, and harming yourself is not going to do anything but take that future away or make it more difficult. Why do you want to harm yourself? To end the pain? To release? To feel alive? There are lots of reasons. However harming yourself is not going to solve anything at all in the long term. It may give you a short term release, and suicide would certainly end the pain,. but you would be throwing away a potentially satisfying life through fear - fear that it will never get better. But what *if*? WHat *if* things *could* get better? Wouldn't it be worth living for that?

There must be conditions under which you would want to live, so what are they, and how can we start to work towards creating those conditions?

No doubt that's a huge job, but chunk it down and start with the first step, and one by one, even if they are baby steps at first, you can build up the conditions that you would want to continue living under.

You said you tried to talk to your parent. That's a start. Is there anyone else you could talk to instead? Someone who you don't know maybe - sometimes a stranger is easier. A doctor? Teacher? Friend? Could you write it in a letter and then mail it to them? SOmetimes it's easier to compose a letter because you can do it in pieces when you are clam enough and then you don't have to worry about keeping it together. What about that?

If you can just get your feelings out to someone then maybe you can get some help from a professional. There are medicines such as SSRIs that can help you to make a start here. They aren't a solution long term, but they can help you to get your foot on the ladder and get control of your feelings long enough to start sorting things out. They give you an advantage that you don't currently have. Counselling as well could be of major benefit to you because it would be an opportunity to really look at each of your feelings and problems and try to find alternative solutions.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. I've had a lot of trouble with depression, suicidal feelings, and stuff fin my life and even if I can't help you - and I may well not be able to do a thing - I can listen, and maybe you can at least know someone who understands is hearing you.

Post edited at 9:04 pm on Dec. 3, 2008 by britishguy

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