Over the years I think he's grown more desolate and less reasonable. He's tired and his mind's growing more and more biased.

I'm just.. I have nothing left to say or do. I'm so deflated now. And he keeps pushing me because I sometimes help (and I used to help him a lot) but I can't do anything meaningful for him anymore.

And he senses this. I used to get so wound up for him, but not anymore. And he panics. But he really really needs to stop depending on me. Except he can't.

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Tell him that.  Seriously, if you have nothing left, then let him know that there's nothing he can do, and he has to seek some other form of help. But make sure he understands that you're telling him this because you care for him

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That is farrrrrrrrrrrrrr too grounded in reason for him to swallow. It used to work. Not anymore.

I just feel so spent. I mean, everybody knows "to get professional help", but some people can't/won't. Just will not. Sigh.

His mum dragged him to a psychologist once. He won't talk at all.

If everything falls short then there is only suicide (or status quo).

I don't think there's much you guys can say. I'm just saying it here so this attitude doesn't leak out there.

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I don't think there's much you guys can say. I'm just saying it here so this attitude doesn't leak out there.

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Indeed, there is very little to say about it.

This is all really up to him, not you.  You can't make anyone feel better, as I'm sure you're well aware.  If he's truly as unreasonable as you're making him out to be, then there is little you can do other than be there for him regardless of it all.  And even then, you're already "spent" on that.

Question is, what are you to do?  Seems like you need to prioritize and decide whether or not it's worth your energy to continue supporting somebody who won't support himself, and whether taking the risk of detaching yourself from him so that he depends less on you, and thus may be more vulnerable, is worth it, and from this decision, then decide what to do about it.  Obviously his "value" to you personally and all that will come into question as well.

And of course, nobody can answer that for you.

But this statement is so weak, yknow? He panics that I'm not as stirred up as I used to be. If the support is to take any form other than emotional turmoil, it'd be a kind of distant support, like a therapist or concerned acquaintance.  

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Question is, what are you to do?  Seems like you need to prioritize and decide whether or not it's worth your energy to continue supporting somebody who won't support himself

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I support him still, but not the sort he needs. So the answer is "no". It's not even something I can decide anymore, it has just finally come to this.  

The thing is, at the root of all "won't help himself" cases, the person "cant" do it, in the sense that they can't muster the process in their brains/hearts to do it. Have you met someone like this? You can shout "you're not helping yourself!" all you like but if they can't.. then they can't.  

So right now I'm just at the stage where nothing he says affects me much anymore. I listen and support where I can, but it no longer drags me down. And if I am feeling not great, I'd distance myself from him. I would never give the message that "You are beyond help, if you dont help yourself then you're not good enough and I give up on you"  

It's not enough though. This sends him into a panic where he blames me then clings to me, but none of it affects me deeply, I don't go on the emotional rollercoaster with all the details because i'm so desensitised. But for him everything is always enormous and a struggle.  

Post edited at 1:21 pm on Dec. 7, 2008 by tell me again

I have snapped at him before though, it's bad for him and does absolutely nothing in the long run.