Post edited at 7:05 am on June 26, 2009 by MourningAir

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well treat me like disease, like the rats and the fleas
AHAHA

i needed my cousin to get me to stop cutting, and some lady on a hotline number.

im not weak.
bc im strong enough to not do it.

im proud of you

also:im here if you want to talk

ILT

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so theres this Guy...
hes pretty damn amazing

I've never been near drugs or anything so I can't offer help on that side of things, I'm afraid. But to me it really sounds like you have that area sussed.

I love the fact you've come to this conclusion yourself rather than being forced by friends or families. They say the people who recover best are the people like you who do it all yourself. You are pretty strong to have even come this far. Isn't withdrawal the hardest when you first start and it's meant to get easier as time goes by?

Just think whenever dxm or anything like that comes into your head of that time you took 900mg. Do you really want to experience that again excluding the fact it made you high? Do you really want everything else that goes along with it.

In the end, you sound strong enough to do this for yourself. Your fiancee is getting help and you're helping yourself. I think you need to believe you can do this no matter what it takes.

You'll stop hurting your friends, your family, most of all, you'll stop hurting yourself.

You can find a place just as happy without drugs. It's harder, but it's oh so more worth it.

You are awesome.
You're strong.
You can do this.

If it helps, I believe in you. =]

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From a distance you look like my friend,

even though we are at war.

The hardest part about this is that I keep trying to convince myself I don't have a problem. I keep thinking that just because dxm isn't coke or heroin, that I can't possibly have a problem with it.

And I never thought I'd be like this. I've done coke and massive amounts of pills and yeah I will do any substance to self-medicate but I never before had much of a preference for any particular thing. I was just always doing whatever was there and because i was switching it up so much, I never considered it a problem.

Now that in the past 8 months I've become so obsessed with dxm, I've been able to see how unhealthy my behavior is. but then I convince myself I'm overreacting.

I don't even know how to hang out with my friends without doing drugs anymore. Once college starts up it'll be easier because I only have a few friends there as it is and will be able to make more who don't do drugs easily. but man I love my friends here at home, I just don't know if I can be around them anymore.

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well treat me like disease, like the rats and the fleas
AHAHA

Making new friends is far easier than what would happen if you carried on this path -- just think that.

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From a distance you look like my friend,

even though we are at war.

as for me relating, i have never done a drug in my life.  the most alcohol i ever had was a sip, but i still have trouble going to school and i'm failing more than half my classes.  i pretty much grew tired of going to school and doing homework everyday and instead reached for enlightenment.  it feels so good because i can finally get the sleep i need to do something else i love, dancing.  in addition i feel like i can almost never be sad unless i am tired, in which case i am always sad.  the main problem with that is that my skipping school has gotten my family upset and now the law is involved.  as numb as i've grown, i can't help it every once in a while to notice how much im messing up my future and to realize that if i can't even wake up for school now, what am i going to do when i have to wake up to make a living for myself?  just like you've been making petty excuses to justify using your drug i've been making petty excuses to justify not being in school.

i'm pretty new to church, and my leader always tells me to be prophetic, and god will have to honor my word and make it happen.  so the last week of vacation i am going to have my body adjust to a schedule of going to sleep early enough that i wont even need an alarm clock to wake up on time, and i promised to god and to myself that i will attend every single one of my classes.  when i do this i will still be able to dance, go to church, live with my father and everything will be OK.  the greatest thing is that my church really does care about me, and all its members have each other's back.  i have people's numbers that i can speak to no matter what, and they will support me because having found god they can understand me the most.

god bless you, you will make it through this.

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I'm watching you.

After glows can linger("Staying in the high") and will only keep bringing negatives.  

The brains a very powerful thing on it's own and then add foreign chemicals to it and it can do miracles or tragedies. DXM being a dissociative, it really does disconnect you. I for one have only had mild hallucinations at extremely outrageous doses(which was the reason I wanted to try DXM in the first place), but the mental state that it induces is quite enlightening. It helps me think, analaysis and get to the core of my thoughts when manipulated right or just really screws with my emotions when I fail to take it in the right situation. But to the disconnection, it shifts my personality and who I am in general with every experience leaving me alittle different then before. Like soul healing really, turning into full blown ego loss over long periods of use.

BTW, DXM will always be OTC(it's pretty known that people, generally kids, get high off DXM, it just has been easier to spread thanks to the internet). That along with just about any drug will be around, when there's a demand. Live LIFE, while getting high is the only way, drugs are forever. So moderation is key because abuse is fun but never turns out to be.

If you can do without, then more power to you but once it starts eating your brain away failure is inevitable for most. Why? Because getting high is just that damn good. Whatever you do, you need to come at it with a different  and smarter approach.

Post edited at 7:17 am on Dec. 24, 2008 by Xusk

Famous Rapper Pimp-C died of his addiction to syrup. It will kill you if you don't stop. It will also cause sever liver damage.


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RIP Michael Jackson!!!
CLASS OF 2009!!! I DID IT!!
I'm going to college!!! WOOHOO
I'm gonna miss SoCal alot.

I've seen you around this forum a lot before but I really had no idea you were going through all this.  I just want you to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to about this, I would be more than happy to do whatever I can.

In any case, I think it sounds like you really have the right attitude about this.  Yeah...DXM isn't a hard drug and it's easy to keep telling yourself that you don't have a problem, but like you said, you kind of get to a point in your life where you have to step back and ask yourself if it's all really worth it.  

You know you can do better than this, and you know how much it's been affecting you.  I completely agree that it's time to completely stop.  You've got too much else going for you to let this mess up your life in the long run.

Coming from someone whose been through rehab...I think the best thing to do is to have a plan, and to have goals.  I'm not saying that it's really necessary to even get into any type of rehab program if you don't think that's what would work best for you.  But know exactly what you want to do, how you want to do it, and why.  Writing it down (like you did) is a great start.  It's going to get hard when you really want to use again, and you begin to forget why you even wanted to quit in the first place.  It's extremely helpful to be able to go back and look at the reasons in writing to refresh your memory.

Also, I think cutting out the other drug use is a pretty good idea.  While I was getting off oc and blow I drastically cut back on the amount of weed I was smoking, as well as how much I drank.  I think it really helped to keep me away from wanting to use even more.

Finally, I want to say that I don't think that picking up religion again to help get you through this is stupid at all.  Actually...to be honest, I really started getting into religion and philosophy after getting cleaned up.  I never really singled out any one religion to follow, but I started reading a lot of philosophy, and going to church just to be a part of a community.  It probably sounds stupid to other people...but I guess it just helps to be able to know that we have a purpose or some sort of meaning behind our existence.  There is nothing wrong with wanting that in your life.

Anyways, like I said, I think you've really got the right attitude about this and you can for sure do it.  You seem intelligent, and you know what you want.  I know it's not easy, but you can do it. :)

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Around and around and around we spin,
With feet of lead and wings of tin