what should i be the one who doesn't fit in?

why should i be the one who sits at home every weekend wishing someone would invite me to go somewhere or do something?

why should i watch time pass me as i sit there helpless, not experiencing my youth but instead watching others experience it while i sit alone?

why do i have to sit in depression while i see others around being happy and loving life? why can't i be that?

i should be able to fix all of this.. but i cant find out how. my mind is really fucked up and its hard to control. i am way way too shy and i am extremely fucking akward around people because i think i am ugly and therefore they do too

i cant see past this shit, its all there is

my life is garbage right now

i need to stop writing shit while high