After all I don't have the blood-ties to do that with anymore, I was kicked out of the house. And its the first major holiday without my mother, who was the only one who ever made Christmas Eve and Christmas important to me... I thought, maybe I would be able to share that feeling with my boyfriend and his boyfriend/my friend and roomie ( yeah I know that right there is complicated, I'll explain it on a later day when I'm not feeling so effing down) But they have their own things that they do together, after they have a much longer history together. And it not like I could go with them, Atty's mother hates me for no reason other then my race. -chuckles softly.-

I don't know... I'm just feeling really useless, somewhat unwanted, and just really lethargic and depressed. Don't really know what I'm looking for by typing this either... but. Yeah.  And I'd be fine ( lie, I'd be better then I am now), if I hadn't been told that'd we'd spend part of each day together and got my hopes up about it...but that didn't happen. Wouldn't be feeling so bad if I wasn't feeling so bloody sick.

-Shakes head and sighs.-

Really wish people would stop wishing me a happy holiday...

Sorry for the spill, but alas, felt it was better to get it out somewhere then to let it build it in my head.

For everyone that does have something to do today and tomorrow, go, do it, have fun. Have a happy Christmas.


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One can only truly know themselves...
...By taking a step back and looking through another's eyes.