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For mature audiences only. |
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 Replies: 10 — Last Post Jan. 11 3:32pm by Anonymous
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( Anonymous )
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I don't want a bunch of inexperienced and immature youngins pitching in their two cents on this... if at all possible. Thank you. Edit: I'll narrow this down. Basically, my boyfriend takes his time doing things. He will not get a job, and lives off of military financial aid he gets for going to college. I rush him to either take more college credits or get a job, but he just hates working. If you can talk him into getting a job, he will get an application from like Game Stop and leave it in his car. He has about $400 in personal spendings monthly and everything else goes on bills. Thing is, I want to know we can take our relationship to the next level sometimes within the next few months. But I don't think it will be possible. He is very financially unstable. It bothers me sometimes and only puts burden on me occasionally unless I really think about it. He thinks we are serious enough that when I move five hours away to go to the university after I graduate the local community college next year that he will move with me. But I think even then he will be financially unable to. I am not saying I want to break up with him. I am happy with him, and every other aspect of our relationship is going great. I am just wondering if this is weird, and if you guys have comments on this? He will be 24 next month and still lives in his mom's unfinished basement bedroom. .We have been together for two years come this summer. Post edited at 7:46 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 by Anonymous
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Post from this position was omitted due to content violations
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Post from this position was omitted due to content violations
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( Anonymous )
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Quote: from jschwa1986 at 8:39 pm on Jan. 10, 2009
 Did you mean to post that once as anonymous and once not?
No, that wasn't me the second post. I will remain anonymous throughout this.
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Khadgar
Professional
 Patron
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I don't see anything innately wrong with it. I've moved in with people after 2 months, and not moved in after 2 years in other cases (well, other case, to be precise -- I'm have not been in multiple 2-year relationships). On the one hand, you have to consider that he's lazy as shit for not getting a job (but then again, who really WANTS a job?). He just has to suck it up and get one. If he can't do that, there are going to be bigger problems down the road. Additionally, if you feel that the relationship is a bit stagnant, things likely won't get better all on their own. On the other hand, as long as he is actively working towards some sort of short or long-term goal and continuing to make lasting progress, things should eventually work themselves out and he'll be set. The "you moving away" thing could be more of an issue, simply because it's a set deadline of when he has to be financially ready, and if he's not, then the relationship will only become more strained due to distance, and so on. It's essentially an ultimatum -- either get it in gear, or things go to shit. However, as I can attest to, nobody likes an ultimatum. If you haven't already, tell him that if he doesn't have a stable job by the time you move to university, then he won't be able to move in with you and that's final. Also make sure to reiterate that you don't intend for this to happen, and that all you want is for you and him to happily live together and that this is simply not possible if he doesn't have a stable job. (edited for typo)
Post edited at 7:49 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 by Khadgar
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7:48 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 | Joined: Feb. 2006 | Days Active: 681
Join to learn more about Khadgar California, United States | Asexual Male | Posts: 15,616 | Points: 2,933
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theyareAs
Executive
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give him an ultimatum.
-------
So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false.
The truth is that I'm a bad person,but that's going to change.
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8:27 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 190
Join to learn more about theyareAs North Dakota, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 1,543 | Points: 3,569
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( Anonymous )
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The reason he does not have a job is because he gets money from the government for schooling. That is what he lives off of, but now he says he feels the want for a job now but not just any job. He is definitely making progress in our relationship and outside. When he gets a job, he does great. He was once very financially stable but he got himself in debt with his credit card. I know he will keep making progress, I just don't know how long it will take him.
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