I've just recently [sort of] completed recovery about 7 months ago where my weight shot up almost 50 lbs to get me to a moderately healthy weight.
[Obviously] I hate the way i am; the way i look.

But i feel a relapse coming on, because i have been eating less and less [as well as starting my old over-exercising routine back up.] every day since December. Today i have had 30 calories.
I have yet to start throwing up again, but i know it will happen soon.
I cant say im mad, sad, remorseful or any other related emotions, because i am sort of happy about it.

I know im fucked up. I know i have problems. You dont have to tell me that...

Personally, i dont even know why im writing this. I guess i just need it up here, because i need people to know. Although im sure, in a few days, you'll all forget about me and this post, i still need people to know. Knowing me, something will go wrong.
That, and only that, is why this is not anon.

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"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot
survive without human affection."

go you,

:)

Post edited at 5:14 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 by Stand Up

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You'll never get to heaven if you are scared of getting high.

I didnt really gain any weight i lost some but meh,
oh well.
I wish i was anorexic.
THe only thing stopping me is the thought of after anorexia theres probably obesity.
Or unhappiness at least

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I will always love you, but I need pills to sleep
I have always failed you, so throw away my memories.
MOVE.

Why don't you want to eat? I've always wondered what compelled some people to do that.

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Grammar Nazi

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Well thats not good.

Why don't you want to eat? I've always wondered what compelled some people to do that.

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Because she doesn't want to gain weight maybe?!

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keep me stuck in the sky i never wanna come down

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Well thats not good.

Why don't you want to eat? I've always wondered what compelled some people to do that.

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There is your answer.
Silly reasons make people do what they do, but that doesn't mean that those people dont believe those reason are justifiable.

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"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot
survive without human affection."

You're not a lost cause, you just need the support that's required for you to escape this mental block.

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The woods are lovely, dark and deep; But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep - Robert Frost

You need to think about what you need in your life. Right now it might seem like anorexia is your only option, but you really have so many opportunities in life if you can learn to put it behind you. Maybe anorexia makes you feel happy in an odd sense at the moment, but that is because you probably haven't felt true happiness for many years. You need to learn to be happy from other means and i'm by no means saying its going to be easy but it is definitely worth it.

Do you ever dream of a day when you can eat what you like and not worry about calories or exercise? I did for many years, and I am astonished by the fact that I now pay very little regard to food and live a totally normal teenage life now. It is possible. Doctors told me i would never get better, but i proved them wrong and so can you.

Try not to be tempted into your old ways and remind yourself of how good life will be after anorexia. Set yourself small goals in reducing your exercise and increasing your food consumption which is manageable for you and maintainable. Get help from others and talk about your problems, perhaps write a diary.

Well i hope this helps and remember things will get better if you are willing to give it a go.

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Love me, save me, please be kind...
For I know that love ain't blind!