I've been crying every night for the last five years. i feel constantly as if I've missed some enormous portion of my childhood and adolescence (although the latter isn't technically over.) I've reached out to everyone at this point, or at least everyone within my grasp. My parents, unfortunately are the type who make it a point to make our family seem flawless, but in reality they're abusive and they bicker constantly, with each other and me. They're sweet as can be to my siblings, though. My friends, the ones who get upset when i say they aren't my friends, couldn't possibly care less about me. i have one friend who cares, but she has so many other things to worry about and i won't force her to focus on me. People take advantage of the fact that i have no self esteem; they constantly belittle me. At this point, i want to die. I've wanted to die for a long, long time. I've started hyping myself up to any good thing that happens, no matter how small, but people mock me when I'm happy. no one ever calls, and no one really cares. So please, just have one nice conversation with me because i need it.

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What do you want out of life?

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