I don't recommend it. Give me pointless emo depression any day. Being completely robbed of how you feel in a very rational, detached, pessimistic perspective, is worse. You may not believe me, but I am dead serious. It literally felt like a dream where you couldn't feel anything but just knew that somewhere in the back of your mind something was terribly wrong, but you couldn't feel it, or find out what it was.

Don't ever fall into that mindset, you may think feeling everything and breaking down is what kills you, but it doesn't. When you lose grip on life and you feel like you aren't a part of it anymore, that's when killing  yourself is easiest, because all it is, is ending a dream.

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Yes... I have even attempted to kill myself, but fortunately, my sprits are now rekindled, and my hope, relit.

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<3

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I still got a tiny, tiny bit of hope somewhere.

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http://www.golivewire.com/forums/peer-yestiyt-support-a.html

When I was just 'depressed', I had a lot of motivation to write, think, and most of all, improve. In fact, I think everything came from trying to 'get better'. But after I 'conquered' my depression, I became very cynical very quickly. Things changed a lot and I wanted to attack things on a much larger scale than before. Obviously, there were no people who saw things my way, so I badly stagnated and became pretty much what you described. In the short term, being emotionally depressed is much worse, though. It's painful, but it keeps you alive. In the long term however, loss of hope; logical, cold emptiness....all that is killer. It becomes a lot less like 'life', and a lot more surreal. To drive what you said further home, I've been wading around in a state of nothingness for two years. It feels a lot more like a dream than reality.

I would have killed myself long ago, if not for a desire to experience one last bout of comfort and pleasure right before death (difficult), and lack of motivation to go do it.

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im iconoclast it means im a rebel hahahah