I hate myself for not feeling anything, but at the same time...if ADD stimulants are what it takes to not get hurt anymore...I think I'm going to tell my Psychiatrist they aren't working as well anymore so he increases my dosage.  

I can't believe it's over. I tried so hard to make it work, and I loved her, and I still do, but she is leaving me.  

I realize now, that ever since last week she had been in this for my sake, and I don't ever want to chain her to me. I am not going to try to cling to her till the end, knowing she is with me but miserable.  

No, let her just move on. It will make her happy, what I want isn't important. It's not like I've ever gotten it before anyways, I'm used to it. She deserves so much, and I know that I am nowhere near the kind of guy she deserves.  

As for me...I don't know what I will do anymore. I've always told myself if I'd lost her I would be done...but she made me swear to not ever do that. I'm supposed to live my life knowing the love of my life is gone, feeling nothing except happiness and a bittersweet comfort in knowing that she is going to lead a happy life, even if I'm not a part of it. I know how I feel, I have been in "puppy love" and I know that this is nothing like that. I know that I will never change, and she will always be first. I wish she didn't feel this way, but...I can't change that, nor would I if I could, because I know I was never worth it to begin with. If life has taught me anything, it is definitely that I am not meant to be happy.  

All else I can say is I'm glad these pills work. It's kind of sad that my last solace lies in my medication.

Post edited at 2:01 pm on Jan. 8, 2009 by The Last Magister

-------
I'm not wasted potential, you're just not worth my time.
The impossibility of perfection will tear me apart.
There's only so much you can do.
The Broken.

---

god im sorry.

---

---

Whoa whoa, a girl should not define your life. A girl should not be all that is worth living for. After all, she's a girl. There are billions on the planet, and although it hurts now, it's really not the end of the world. Yes, things didn't work out with her, but she is not the only person in your life.

---

As for the last part...I really don't think you know anything about me, otherwise you wouldn't say that. My friends don't know anything about me, my closest ones are all either gone or falling apart like me. I've never had a dad, and my mom has always been preoccupied with her life to really pay attention.

If you ever really, REALLY, fell in love, you would understand.

-------
I'm not wasted potential, you're just not worth my time.
The impossibility of perfection will tear me apart.
There's only so much you can do.
The Broken.

---

Whoa whoa, a girl should not define your life. A girl should not be all that is worth living for. After all, she's a girl. There are billions on the planet, and although it hurts now, it's really not the end of the world. Yes, things didn't work out with her, but she is not the only person in your life.

---

Exactly. Love isn't a "forever" thing like they say it is in the movies. Just think of it this way- 6 and half billion people in this world, and you have a good 80+ years to live, which is a very long time. Two or three months, even two years of heartbreak is nothing in that span of existence. I know how it feels to be hurt this badly. Everything just....HURTS. Not just your heart, everything. Your entire body. You don't feel like you could ever feel anything for someone, ever again. But honestly, human emotions are transitory. They keep changing as your life changes. One day, you'll wake up and you'll realize it doesn't hurt as much. Everything will work out, I promise.

Post edited at 2:11 pm on Jan. 8, 2009 by Amazingness99

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We used to laugh a lot
but only because we thought
that everything good always would remain.

---

Quote: from Jman19 at 4:03 pm on Jan. 8, 2009

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Whoa whoa, a girl should not define your life. A girl should not be all that is worth living for. After all, she's a girl. There are billions on the planet, and although it hurts now, it's really not the end of the world. Yes, things didn't work out with her, but she is not the only person in your life.

---

There are billions of girls on the planet, but there is only one of her. I really don't think you get it. We weren't on the same level. I was the first guy to love her, and she's a year younger to me, and I know that I shouldn't expect the same of people my age. I literally wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I wanted to marry her, I would to do everything for the first time with her, but I guess that's not what she wanted. I can't say I blame her.

As for the last part...I really don't think you know anything about me, otherwise you wouldn't say that. My friends don't know anything about me, my closest ones are all either gone or falling apart like me. I've never had a dad, and my mom has always been preoccupied with her life to really pay attention.  

If you ever really, REALLY, fell in love, you would understand.

---

I don't know you, no. Just like you don't know much about me...

I have fallen in love, and I'm lucky that the girl feels the same. I've known that girl since my first year of school, and I've literally spent the last 10 or so years trying to pluck up the courage to tell her how I feel, and I've finally done it, and I'm really lucky that it's worked out the way it has.

It hasn't worked out for you, I know, and I'm sorry that it hasn't. You wanted to marry her, you wanted to experience firsts with her, everyone feels that way about someone. It sounds like you have your first truly broken heart, and that sucks. There's not much that I can say except that I'm sorry, and that in time, it will heal.

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Daisy chains, Christmas plays, winter nights and summer days
Fireworks and starry skies, sunset and moonrise.
So much more to see and do, and hopefully it's all with you. ♥
seemenow1990 is worth her weight in gold.

---

Quote: from Jman19 at 5:03 pm on Jan. 8, 2009

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Whoa whoa, a girl should not define your life. A girl should not be all that is worth living for. After all, she's a girl. There are billions on the planet, and although it hurts now, it's really not the end of the world. Yes, things didn't work out with her, but she is not the only person in your life.

---

Exactly. Love isn't a "forever" thing like they say it is in the movies. Just think of it this way- 6 and half billion people in this world, and you have a good 80+ years to live, which is a very long time. Two or three months, even two years of heartbreak is nothing in that span of existence. I know how it feels to be hurt this badly. Everything just....HURTS. Not just your heart, everything. Your entire body. You don't feel like you could ever feel anything for someone, ever again. But honestly, human emotions are transitory. They keep changing as your life changes. One day, you'll wake up and you'll realize it doesn't hurt as much. Everything will work out, I promise.

---

I refuse to ever fall for someone else. I will spend my whole life wishing she would come back. She asked me once if I would wait for her, but that she wouldn't expect me to, so she could figure things out, but I will anyways.

I think you are wrong. I think most people don't really love. I would have spent the rest of my life with her, and always been happy. I wanted to marry her, I wanted to live with her, I wanted to have kids with her, I wanted to share my entire life with her, and only her, and now she's gone.

-------
I'm not wasted potential, you're just not worth my time.
The impossibility of perfection will tear me apart.
There's only so much you can do.
The Broken.

---

No, they really won't change, because I am not ever going to let them control me ever again. You are right, it won't hurt as much someday, because I don't intend to ever feel anything again. If I can't kill myself, then I will keep myself drugged, I can get the prescriptions I need to make it happen. She can't ask me to not do that.  

I refuse to ever fall for someone else. I will spend my whole life wishing she would come back. She asked me once if I would wait for her, but that she wouldn't expect me to, so she could figure things out, but I will anyways.

I think you are wrong. I think most people don't really love. I would have spent the rest of my life with her, and always been happy. I wanted to marry her, I wanted to live with her, I wanted to have kids with her, I wanted to share my entire life with her, and only her, and now she's gone.

---

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I've been there, I know what it's like. I'm not telling you not to be upset over losing her. BE upset, be sad, be depressed for a while. Let yourself grieve and believe that you'll never fall for anyone again. But don't let it affect you and control you so much that you truly lose hope. Life IS about hope- hoping that one day someone will come to pick up the pieces for you, the person you're meant to be with. It's not healthy to keep yourself drugged, as you say, because that way you're just putting a band-aid over your emotions. Let them out, it is the only way you're ever going to feel better. Life is not about love, though I myself got carried away with it. Life means more than just attaching yourself to someone else. Let yourself be alone and upset for a while, but realize when it's time to move on.

It's not worth it, to let yourself go over one person, even if they seem to be your everything.

-------
We used to laugh a lot
but only because we thought
that everything good always would remain.

---

Quote: from TheLastMagister at 5:16 pm on Jan. 8, 2009

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No, they really won't change, because I am not ever going to let them control me ever again. You are right, it won't hurt as much someday, because I don't intend to ever feel anything again. If I can't kill myself, then I will keep myself drugged, I can get the prescriptions I need to make it happen. She can't ask me to not do that.

 I refuse to ever fall for someone else. I will spend my whole life wishing she would come back. She asked me once if I would wait for her, but that she wouldn't expect me to, so she could figure things out, but I will anyways.  

 I think you are wrong. I think most people don't really love. I would have spent the rest of my life with her, and always been happy. I wanted to marry her, I wanted to live with her, I wanted to have kids with her, I wanted to share my entire life with her, and only her, and now she's gone.

---

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I've been there, I know what it's like. I'm not telling you not to be upset over losing her. BE upset, be sad, be depressed for a while. Let yourself grieve and believe that you'll never fall for anyone again. But don't let it affect you and control you so much that you truly lose hope. Life IS about hope- hoping that one day someone will come to pick up the pieces for you, the person you're meant to be with. It's not healthy to keep yourself drugged, as you say, because that way you're just putting a band-aid over your emotions. Let them out, it is the only way you're ever going to feel better. Life is not about love, though I myself got carried away with it. Life means more than just attaching yourself to someone else. Let yourself be alone and upset for a while, but realize when it's time to move on.

It's not worth it, to let yourself go over one person, even if they seem to be your everything.

---

---

I was barely alive before I met her, I tried to block out everything. I gave up hope a long, long, time ago. She was the last chance I gave the world. I knew that the second I told her how I felt. It didn't work. Now I AM nothing. There is nothing keeping me going other than a promise to the one person who makes me happy to stay. I've spent 12 consecutive years of my life suffering, ever since I was four fucking years old, I can't take this. This is the worst, and I won't feel it, and I will never come down to see if I still feel the way I do now.

---

For every 12 years of suffering, there's another 12 years of happiness. You have to give it a chance. And if you're high for all of it, you'll never experience that happiness. You won't be here or there, and you'll miss out on any luck, opportunities, or happiness that comes your way.

I'm not pretending I can understand how you're feeling or what you've gone through beyond & besides the heartbreak, but all I'm saying is give life a chance- you have to be stronger than whatever shit it throws at you.

Even if you think there's no hope, I promise that there ALWAYS is.

Post edited at 2:42 pm on Jan. 8, 2009 by Amazingness99

-------
We used to laugh a lot
but only because we thought
that everything good always would remain.

---

Quote: from TheLastMagister at 5:32 pm on Jan. 8, 2009

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I was barely alive before I met her, I tried to block out everything. I gave up hope a long, long, time ago. She was the last chance I gave the world. I knew that the second I told her how I felt. It didn't work. Now I AM nothing. There is nothing keeping me going other than a promise to the one person who makes me happy to stay. I've spent 12 consecutive years of my life suffering, ever since I was four fucking years old, I can't take this. This is the worst, and I won't feel it, and I will never come down to see if I still feel the way I do now.

---

For every 12 years of suffering, there's another 12 years of happiness. You have to give it a chance. And if you're high for all of it, you'll never experience that happiness. You won't be here or there, and you'll miss out on any luck, opportunities, or happiness that comes your way.

I'm not pretending I can understand how you're feeling or what you've gone through beyond & besides the heartbreak, but all I'm saying is give life a chance- you have to be stronger than whatever shit it throws at you.

Even if you think there's no hope, I promise that there ALWAYS is.

---

---

The last time I believed that I promised myself if I was knocked back down again, I wasn't even going to bother getting up again.

---

I think we're "knocked down" so we can learn to pull ourselves back up. Don't give up, there is more out there for you, there HAS to be.

-------
We used to laugh a lot
but only because we thought
that everything good always would remain.