Things are kind of rough for me right now. Ive been fighting in the War in Iraq since March 08 and my wife makes it so much harder for me. I lied to her when we first met. I lied to her about girls I dated because they were all white trash, and shes a smart christian type of woman. I have had two different woman try to push there children off as mine when I know I never slept with them. I tried to keep it from her and when she finally found out she drilled me and drilled me over it. With me being in Iraq I didnt want the drama so I just said I didnt know. Now I tell her they are not my kids because its the truth. She says im a liar and she continues to drill me. I know im being honest to her about it and theres nothing more I can say. When she gets in these moods she says very hurtful things like, I hate you, I wish I didnt love you, Im done, I want a divorce, I could do so much better than you, your just a white trash con, I could have a Lawyer in 30 secs."
I know shes just upset but shes been saying this same shit since March 08 but shes still with me and only gets this way when she thinks about my past. I see it as the past is the past and we are the present and future. She wont drop it and I dont know if I should just let her go and stop fighting for her love or if I should just end it all starting with my life. Iraq is hard enough without the pain of what she says. But no matter what I feel Im still gonna be wrong. If I tell her what she says hurts me she says I did it to myself. What do I do. I love her. I miss her. But im in a damn war that everyday someone is dead.
I love her so so so much but I dont think its worth the heartache but then I think it is. Someone think of something quick. I know lying wasent the right way to go but keeping my head clear here was what I needed and now I cant even sleep or focus on my mission. Someone please help me.
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You have to live to die, but you have to die to live.
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