Im also involved with another guy i recently met, Jessi.
Hes a pretty cool guy, and i like him ALOT. He's so sweet and kind.
We agreed to just stay friends etc but that didnt end up happening. We had sex awhile ago and its totaly screwed everything up now. I dont know what to do about this whole situation, Im completely torn in half between two men that I love to death and i cant seem to find a solution.

Last night I think i cried for 3 hours. I have issues with multiple suicide attempts in my past, and Im starting to get depressed to that point again.

Im totaly overwhelmed and dont know what to do. Theres alot more to this whole thing (kids) but i dont have the energy to explain that.

WHAT DO I D NOW?

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Sat Nam (Truth is our Identity)

Being in relationships can be tough sometimes, there are good times and bad, and for some reason our brain tends to notice the bad more than the good because the bad can be traumatic.

If you love your now Boyfriend, do you think it's worth trying to sort this out with him, sit down, talk to him and figure out what went wrong, what caused you to start arguing all the time. If you really like him, you should at least give this a shot at least then you can't say you didn't try if it doesn't work out.

This other guy, Jessi, sometimes we meet people in our lives when we're in a relationship that confuse us and make us question how we feel, but it's what we do about this that makes us realize if we were ready for a relationship or if we just weren't with the right person. You say you had sex with him, when you were in a relationship, ask yourself why you did this and how do you feel about doing this.

I always say, follow your heart, but if your heart is in two places at once I suggest you do what feels right inside you. Things aren't working out in your relationship and this other guy you're into and he's into you. If you truly loved someone you wouldn't want to be with someone else, you wouldn't cheat on them, it's selfish.

Crying is a perfectly natural way of letting your feelings out, it's good to cry once in a while. However suicide isn't the way to go, especially over this, you could do so much with your life, why waste it all over a boy?

If you're feeling depressed maybe you should just, take a step back from both guys and just concentrate on feeling happier again because it's you that matters and you don't NEED to be in a relationship right now, you have your whole life to experience relationships.

Now, you make a decision using a clear head and you stick by that decision, after you make it don't change your mind. Remember, you're still young.

Message me if you ever need to talk.
-Ally.

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ALLY K?

You and I both know that you can't keep leading on both guys. You can't have a serious relationship with two separate men. It's a really really tough choice, but things can't continue on this path.

You have three different options here.

You can work on fixing things with Matthew. You guys are struggling now, but you may be able to fix things if you sit down and have a serious talk about what's making each of you unhappy in the relationship. Then work on fixing those problems. And one issue may even be that you're sidetracked with Jessi and it's taking away from the effort you're putting into things with Matthew. This is for you to decide. Look at things. What are you arguing about? Are they things you can fix? Are they worth fixing or are you hanging onto something which died a while ago? There are a lot of questions only you can answer. We can tend to hold onto a relationship because it's familiar and easier than starting new. When really we're better off ending it because it isn't working and it's only causing pain. But that's something for you to decide, only you know the issues and feelings involved.

Things with Jessi seem great now, huh? The first part of a relationship is like a honeymoon phase. The other person is great and you're great together. But there's no guarantee they'll stay that way so try not to see Jessi as a sure thing. He's a possibility if you were single. And things may be great if you devoted yourself to him completely. Nobody can know for sure. Yeah, that's really all there is to say there. :)

You could also choose to end everything and be single. Work on yourself and worry about guys later. It can be enlightening to be on your own and it may help you discover more about yourself. Which will help you know what you want in a relationship. You can still have friends to lean on and hopefully count Jessi and Matthew among them. But you'll also have time to clear your head.

Naturally you're upset because you're feeling confused and lost about this. It's a lot of stress. And I think you'll feel relieved once you pick a path instead of just staring at each one. It may not work out perfectly, whatever you choose. But it's something you know you have to do so it's weighing you down now. Pick one, relieve that stress and then focus on dedicating yourself to living with that choice. And hopefully having that work.

Sorry I couldn't just tell you what to do. But this is your life and you have to choose your own path. Nobody else can tell you which guy or life is right for you. You know yourself and feelings so you have to pick.

Just make sure you dedicate yourself to your choice and future rather than looking back and second guessing any choice you make. It may not be the  best one, but it will take you somewhere with new options and ways to live.

Good luck and I hope this helps you out. :)

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kid, I wrote back,
all lovers betray.

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Hey there, ....

If you love your now Boyfriend, do you think it's worth trying to sort this out with him, sit down, talk to him and figure out what went wrong, what caused you to start arguing all the time. If you really like him, you should at least give this a shot at least then you can't say you didn't try if it doesn't work out....

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fighting eh?
Were fighting about my daughter, whom is not biologicaly his. The way he talks to me, how he treats people, how he avoids me at times with no real reason..... How hes out on Bail and just told me a few weeks ago.

... and to top it all i cant even tell him im about ready to jump off a dmn bridge because he doestn listen!!!!

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Sat Nam (Truth is our Identity)

This doesn't sound like it could be fixed over night but with a lot of effort and if that isn't what you want to do I suggest you break it off before this gets out of hand, if he's not listening to you, you shouldn't stay in a relationship you aren't happy in.

If you want to have a good life and bring your daughter up in a nice environment and not be treated how you are, all I can recommend is getting out while you're still here.

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ALLY K?

I can't tell you who to go for and this kind of situation is always so incredibly difficult! I feel for you. Having strong feelings for two guys is difficult but, at the end of the day, you are going to have to eventually choose. There are a lot of emotions and hearts involved here and it'll only end up hurting all of you if this continues, don't you think? Also, these two guys deserve to know what's what. They deserve to know whether or not they're in a relationship with you and you with them (and only them).

Having a crush whilst in a relationship is actually a pretty normal (and common) thing to happen. It sounds like this is what's happened with Jessi. You've been with Matthew for however long and then someone new comes on the scene and you find yourself developing feelings for him. In this case I'd usually think that the crush will eventually fizzle out, but you had sex with Jessi so I'm thinking it's more than just a crush, hmm? Think about it. If you stay with Matthew then you both have some serious talking to do and the relationship needs a lot of work to make it happen. Are you prepared for that, are you willing to fight to save this relationship? I understand that you love him a lot but sometimes we just have to accept that a relationship has reached its limit. Do you think this is what's happened with Matthew or do you see yourself having a future with him? And if so, what do you want to change? If you know what changes you want then you can tell him these things and you can work on them together.

Again, I can't tell you what to do, but I honestly do think taking a break from both guys will help clear your head somewhat. It's really important to keep communicating with them, too. I suggest that you communicate all your feelings with both Matthew and Jessi - be open and straight about everything - and then let them both know that you need some space to figure things out. To decide if you want to be with Matthew (whom you suggested doesn't treat you too good). You know your options, basically, and I think taking some time out to figure things out and reflect on these options would do you some good.

Post edited at 6:25 pm on Jan. 9, 2009 by amiee

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i think you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see