There are so many things I could say do try to describe the way I feel but they do not seem good enough right now. They asked my parents that week if I wanted to see a consoler, I did, but they said I didn't need it because I wasn't directly involved. I get these times, like now, when I don't want to do anything but cry and I get this cold feeling in my chest and my heart starts to beat really fast, my breathing gets hard and I turn really red. I can't really describe how it feels besides quiet and wishing that everything would go away and the more I look for answers the more broken I start to see myself. I feel that if I didn't have people around me that look me in the eye every day, like Erin and Bionca, I would have no purpose. I also feel vulnerable like if I don't act happy and fine that people will see me as weak, and I feel like I need to be strong for everyone else when inside I'm tearing myself apart and that every second that goes by I slowly breakdown into something not human.
I looked up what causes this and it gave me a couple of results, Clinical Depression, Codependency, Self steam issues were just a few but I can't believe that I have fallen into this type of pattern so I am asking you, What happened to me?
I can't sleep, I always feel hungry, I always feel alone and unloved, I always feel my throat getting dry and my tongue starting to swell. I get sharp pains randomly that have no cause. I can't make definite decisions, I keep forgetting things and I had a dream last night that seemed so real.
A man with split personality disorder kidnapped me, one of his personalities was a pedophile, another just wanted a friend, the other wanted to kill. He had killed seven other kids but the killings were becoming more and more violent each time. He had a brain tumor that was killing him, increasing the drive to kill. I asked him what satisfied his need to kill and he told me that it was blood. I told him exactly where to cut me so I would bleed the most, satisfying him until his death. And I felt myself hanging there upside down with the blood running into my face as I cried silently thinking that I was saving someone else. Before that, I told him he had to do something for me, deliver a letter to three people; Erin, Bionca, and Alyssa. Each with a bone from my middle finger with a leather stripe so they could wear it as a necklace. and I watched each of you read the letters, telling you how you completed me and how I would be useless without you and that I didn't want them to cry for me because I was finally done with these spells and if she wanted she could always have part of me with her... that when I woke up... I never got to see if Erin accepted the bone and I don't know what it means but I know its linked to this all...
Post edited at 4:14 pm on Jan. 7, 2009 by Stereorock9
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I'm like a dog chasing cars...
I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it!
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Im sry
