well...
here's my story....

my bf and i were living together temporarily..we're one year and 15 days now..but there's still one thing that haven't changed in me...and i hated it...but i don't know how to deal with it each time im feeling it..that's JEALOUSY...i'm really not the jealous type before we met and i must say that to all that became my bf i haven't felt this except for him...you see?

since the start of our relationship until now i still feel jealous to any girl that i know has the link to him...from his past to his present and to even to his future possible links..i can't call myself obssessed to him or paranoid by i guess that's what's portraying my character each time i got jealous...and im awareof it...i wanna control it...i don't want to make it obvious but i just can't help it..

do you know that feeling of different kind of pain when something runs through your head and you don't want to entertain it but the more you resist it the larger it becomes to your head and occupies all the space there??that stabbing pain in your inner chest when try to hold your tear and kep telling to yourself that its not true but you know its impossible and it might be true anytime???

i just thank god that it didn't cause us big fight now not like before...

i want to control it..making myself looks like im okay to him..because he never got jealous to anyone else about me...i guess..or maybe he's just a great actor..??i don't know...sometimes i knew for sure that he really loves me but then when jealousy strikes in a second i forgot all that...