im so pissed at the world. and depressed to a point where i just want to sleep forever. i dont even know why. my friends refuse to leave my side although i know that im slowly alienating myself from them. im jealous that they are becoming so close and i know they would deny their closeness because it would offend me. i have no friends. i dont get it.
i used to be so happy and wayyy skinny back then. 90 something lbs and 5 feet. i ate the world but never threw up on purpose or starved myself. i had tons of friends and was loud and outgoing. always smiling.
now im 5 feet. 145 lbs! and only 2 yrs have passed.
am i sad because of all the meds im stuck on for being 'bipolar mania' or because i gained weight because of the meds?
everyone tells me its because im older and my metabolism has changed.. but i dont believe it? idk. how come i only gained weight AFTER the meds if it was JUST my metabolism?
im just SOO frustrated! *sigh*
to make it worse... ive shoved my past deep into my mind so i dont have to think about it any more. is it worse that my dad semi-sexually abused me or that no one believes me?
i cant even think straight!!! ive been quiet for so long that now im spewing all this random stuff. i especially dont want to talk to my friends about my depression because... i think they already know.. what with my no longer laughing at the usual jokes, hanging out 24/7, being skinny anymore. its ridiculous to think they just like me for my weight but idk..... help??
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