But this girl is my first love, but she does not have the same feelings for me and we stopped dating. she really wants to be friends (and i do too) but its not easy for me. its been about 4 monts now and ive decided amonth ago to just 'ignore' her. we work in a huge complex so physicaly its not too hard, i just stay in my office and say im too busy to do lunch. But she just keeps emailing, text and calling, i really want to be herfriend but i dont think i can do it right now.

she is the first girl i know i could say "i love you" to and mean it, i want to tell her i love her but at this point i dont know if it will help and it may make matters worse. but i think even without saying it she should already know how i feel

i realize that this is really more of a descripiton of how shitty my otherwise very good life is but friens have not been able to help. ive tried dating other women but they all fall terribly short.  

the last thing i want to do is hurt her but im just desperate for something to make me not think of her in that way  

You can't change how others feeling about you. Although you can definitely influence the way people feel towards you. Maybe she hasn't gotten to know you well enough to truly appreciate your personality and failed to see it with just a few dates. Maybe there's something that's holding her back from going out with you. There's a list of questions with no answers. One way to resolve this is to actually have a good talk with her directly. If she cares enough about you to still want to be friends with you, I doubt she will object. It'll be a lot easier to cope with when you're less confused.

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Zerg rush!