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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Friends & Family / Viewing Topic

A guide to dealing with overprotective or controlling parents
Parents won't listen to you or let up? This guide is for you.
Replies: 91Last Post Dec. 11, 2016 7:30pm by shyraMarie
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This seems to be a common problem to a lot of teens, and not just angsty ones, so I thought I'd write up a little guide to dealing with these sorts of situations seeing as how I've answered quite a lot of these topics myself.

You may well have already tried this, or you might be in a different situation than this and this may not help you. In that case don't be afraid of making a topic about it in this forum, or alternatively you can PM me. If you're in a serious situation or need help immediately and the previous options don't seem like a good choice you can always submit an eHelp.


Your parents love you
Why am I telling you this? Because this is the reason in nearly all cases that your parents act the way they do. Even if at strenuous times when you're fighting it appears as if they hate you or want to make up feel bad, that's just not true. They do things for you. They want to ensure that you have the best possible chances for the future and that you can keep as many doors open as possible. They want nothing more than to see you be happy.

Sometimes they can do things that seems overly protective or cautious to you. They may not let you stay out late, have a computer in your room. They may not approve of a person you are dating. They do these things because they care for you and don't want to see you hurt, or they don't think you're mature enough yet to do things.

However there comes a point where what they do is too much. Perhaps they want to monitor what you surf, or know every little thing, they want to decide things for you and won't let you make your own choices. In these cases they think they're helping you or just trying to protect you. It can be restrictive and you need to talk to them and explain this to them.


Stay calm and don't shout
Because they're only doing it to help you, naturally they see nothing wrong with it. This is where most arguments start, because you argue your side and they're having none of it. You have to learn how to put your case forward and explain it to them.

Approach the parent that you are more comfortable talking with, or the one that has a more relaxed attitude. This can help a great deal as if you persuade them it's often easier for them to persuade the other parent. Keep the point clear and be straight with them. Explain to them how you feel about what they're doing and why it annoys you. Keep your cool and don't raise your voice. Shouting will get you nowhere and will just make them less likely to listen to what you have to say.

Don't be vague and just dismissive. Explain properly why it affects you and think of all the other things it can affect. For example, if they don't let you socialise much then tell them that you can't just work all the time. A person has to have a balance between working and unwinding. Taking a break has been shown to be able to help with solving problems as your brain tries to tackle them subconsciously so you might end up thinking of a new way to finish that algebra homework.


They were once your age too
It may seem unreal, but your parents did go through the same, or similar things to you, because they were once children themselves. Times have changed and sometimes they may not understand this. However you need to try to appeal to their inner child. If they're putting a lot of pressure on you, for example, at school then explain this to them. You can even use the phrase "when you were a child" to get them to have a little more perspective on the situation.

Try not to get irritated if they don't agree with you, at least don't express it because it can turn the wrong way and an argument could erupt. If they're not being realistic or have an archaic way of thinking, perhaps you can use that to your advantage. For example, you can say that there is far more pressure on students to do well in school nowadays, and you're really feeling the heat. A little relaxation won't hurt and will  help relieve stress and tension in school and at home.


Don't compare yourself
As stupid as this may be, you shouldn't try to compare yourself to Billy, Jane or the next-door neighbour. It may seem like a good idea because you're just showing them what it's like for other people, they may take the wrong idea and start thinking that you're trying to tell them how to raise a child. Obviously being a teen you won't have a clue (unless you're a pregnant mother, but that's another case entirely) on how to do this and they might get angry and take offence.

The last thing they want is you telling them how to raise yourself. It can evoke the wrong reaction and then you'll have lost all progress made, so just avoid doing it completely.


Reassure them
They will no doubt be worried by whatever your proposal, so make sure you reassure them that nothing bad will happen, that you will stay focused on school or whatever and that you'll stay in touch with them by text or something to let them know you're okay. They'll be more open to the situation if you're mature and you'll try to please them in whatever way by reassuring them that you know how to behave and that you won't endanger yourself or put yourself in a bad situation. Give them examples of how you'll do this, such as keeping a study diary, or making sure you're always with a friend if you stay out late, that you inform them where you're going.


Be patient and act maturely
Don't rush them, let them talk over the idea, even if it takes them a few days or even weeks. If they can see you're being sensible about this and not whining or bitching they're more likely to let you be more independent.

If they decide to let you do what you wanted, then great. But if they decide to not let you do it, don't lash out or get angry. Just stay calm and perhaps try again in a few weeks. The important thing is to generally act sensibly and help out around the house, if they can see you're willing to work for what you want and that you compose yourself properly they might be inclined to change their minds.


Good luck and I hope this guide has helped you at least somewhat :)


9:26 am on Jan. 1, 2009 | Joined: Feb. 2007 | Days Active: 1,862
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Natsy


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ok, but mine actually hate me thanks for trying though xx

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sadnessness


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Good advice (i scanned it)

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GoodFairy13


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Very good.

Shall be very helpful.

Your time spent doing this is appreciated.


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ronda


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That's pretty good advice, thanks.

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katbabes


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Thats really sweet of you to write this, thanks :)

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roryboy


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I actually consider myself lucky that I have strict parents, along with very protective brothers.

Some kids here are getting beat or even worse, ignored. I have been given corporal punishment and it is not the same thing.

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gman101


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good advice.

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roflfuckyou


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wow.

i wish those worked by my parents are beyond that
they definitely aren't the first one


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Quote: from roflfuckyou at 5:37 pm on Jan. 1, 2009

wow.

i wish those worked by my parents are beyond that
they definitely aren't the first one


A lot of people say that, but then not everyone is in similar situations. Some parents are just cunts, and sadly there's not much one can do about that.

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roflfuckyou


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Quote: from marshmellowman at 4:44 am on Jan. 2, 2009

Quote: from roflfuckyou at 5:37 pm on Jan. 1, 2009

wow.  

 i wish those worked by my parents are beyond that  
 they definitely aren't the first one


A lot of people say that, but then not everyone is in similar situations. Some parents are just cunts, and sadly there's not much one can do about that.

true that

im sure this will help a lot of people
and ican refer to it for ehelp replies!


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Quote: from GoodFairy13 at 5:29 pm on Jan. 1, 2009

Very good.  

Shall be very helpful.  

Your time spent doing this is appreciated.


Thanks, you're welcome :)

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picklez118


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good advice

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blufindr


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Hah, wow. Good idea.

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Sqi 8000


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very useful :D thanks ^^

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