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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Here in your arms (poem)
Replies: 7Last Post Dec. 29, 2008 3:46pm by J U S T
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( Mikayla007 )


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In your arms again

Do you remember me?
I'm just a shadow now
This is where I use to be
Right here beside you
Holding your hand until you slipped away
You and I faded away
Lost in a dream of what used to be
But dreams aren't real
I used to feel your velvet skin
I used to touch you scarlet hair
Feel your soft lips
Listen to your husky voice
Beckoning me to come closer to you
I used to fit in your strong arms but that is no more
You shut me out and locked the door
My sprit anchored to the ground when it once soared
Tears over whelming me
You said you loved me but you'll never be the same
You lied to my face
Your love disappeared without a trace
This love cannot be an eased
I'll win the race
To find my place in your arms again




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If you give a damn, take me baby or leave me


3:41 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 19
Join to learn more about Mikayla007 Alberta, Canada | Bisexual Female | Posts: 288 | Points: 493
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Miss Vanity


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Aww so sweet

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Click here to see 12 year old Brenna.

3:41 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 83
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emopenguinqueen


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cute.

3:41 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2007 | Days Active: 175
Join to learn more about emopenguinqueen England, United Kingdom | Straight Female | Posts: 1,021 | Points: 2,898
feels good


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sweet

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********I am the best at giving head!*********

3:42 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 91
Join to learn more about feels good Texas, United States | Bi-curious Male | Posts: 1,400 | Points: 2,462
ivy1994


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I luvs it

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Xx//-RazorBlade-Romance-\\xX

3:42 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 7
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AcidSilence


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I like it.
[:

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:D 3

3:43 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2007 | Days Active: 273
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Leelyy


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:)

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And the pickle felt the breast of the older woman.

3:44 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 72
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J U S T


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I saw the title an immediately thought of the Hellogoodbye song.
Anyway, the 5th and 6th line both ending in "away" makes it sound redundant, as does the overuse of the word "you" in lines 13-19. Actually "you" is scattered rather liberally throughout, which is annoying. Some of the rhymes seem too forced.

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Real is not how you are made--It is a thing that happens to you

3:46 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2005 | Days Active: 153
Join to learn more about J U S T Pennsylvania, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 6,760 | Points: 8,596
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