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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Living Without You (poem)
Replies: 5Last Post Dec. 29, 2008 3:49pm by J U S T
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( Mikayla007 )


Advisor
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Living Without You

I remember that day...
The day you went away
There was nothing much to say
Nothing I could do, I'm doomed to living without you
You made it painfully clear
Your actions were like lighting striking me
A shock pain coursing though me
Tears shot, welling up in my eyes
Everything you said was nothing but lies
You have taken everything
I cannot even cry
I wish somehow you wanted me like I wanted you
I wish my words would had ever gotten through to you
Sometimes I dream I never met you
Why would you?
How could you?
Do you love me to?
Will you miss me to?
Can I live without you?



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If you give a damn, take me baby or leave me


3:42 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 19
Join to learn more about Mikayla007 Alberta, Canada | Bisexual Female | Posts: 288 | Points: 493
Miss Vanity


Soothsayer

Patron
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Cute

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Well, darling, just don't be scared,
when I touch you there,
don't act like you don't care.

3:42 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 64
Join to learn more about Miss Vanity California, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 10,519 | Points: 11,409
Natsy


Abracadabra!

Patron
Reply


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The enticing darkness surrounds us all.
The only question is- when will you give in?
Twilight Parody - you will love it

3:43 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2007 | Days Active: 448
Join to learn more about Natsy England, United Kingdom | Asexual Female | Posts: 23,924 | Points: 39,635
AcidSilence


Visionary
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Ugh i'm going through this right now.
]:

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Pretty. Odd. :D :D :D

3:44 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2007 | Days Active: 253
Join to learn more about AcidSilence Utah, United States | Label Free Female | Posts: 5,423 | Points: 8,353
Leelyy


Executive
Reply
:'[

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And the pickle felt the breast of the older woman.

3:46 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 61
Join to learn more about Leelyy New Jersey, United States | Female | Posts: 2,077 | Points: 3,108
J U S T


Connoisseur
Reply
Again, way too much use of the word "you" especially in lines 12-19. In line 17 & 18, you should use "too," not "to." All in all, kind of bland. It sounds just like all the other melodramatic angst-ridden teen poetry out there.

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Real is not how you are made--It is a thing that happens to you

3:49 pm on Dec. 29, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2005 | Days Active: 138
Join to learn more about J U S T Pennsylvania, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 6,147 | Points: 7,822
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