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  LiveWire / College Forums / Free & Open Discussion / Viewing Topic

Points if You Can Revise This.
Replies: 6 — Last Post Nov. 23, 2008 5:31pm by Allison Wonderland
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( Allison Wonderland )


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
I'm usually a rather impressive writer, but I am experiencing a rather huge lack of motivation. This paper was due Friday, and I haven't gotten around to writing it. I'm finally sitting down, but I'm stumped. Revise these first few sentences so I can have a strong introduction. Hopefully that will motivate my to complete the next 6 pages.

Points to whomever has the most sophisticated revision.

The Investiture Contest, more commonly referred to as "The Investure Controversy," was a feud between Henry IV, Holy Roman Emperor, and Pope Gregory VII in the 11th century. The dispute was over the control of appointments of secular lords and bishops.

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Shalom, Mother Fuc*as!

5:21 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 19
Join to learn more about Allison Wonderland New York, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 552 | Points: 757
OnOnE353


Guru
Patron 		Reply
Good luck! You have none.

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[Insert witty, intelligent comment here]
5:22 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2007 | Days Active: 169
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Lallypop


Soothsayer
Sustainer 		Reply
The Investiture Contest, more commonly referred to as "The Investure Controversy," was a dispute between the Holy Roman Emperor, Henry IV, and Pope Gregory VII in the 11th century. The creative discussion was about the control of appointments of secular lords and bishops.

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♥ Lallypop
5:23 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 257
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uschb02


Professional 		Reply
u could talk about what happens in this time?

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im ranked 6th in the state for the 2mile!!!!
5:23 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 119
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DuchessxInsanity


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
The Investiture Contest, or more commonly, "The Investiture Controversy," was conducted as a feud between Henry IV, Holy Roman Emperor, and Pope Gregory VII. Disputed in the 11th Century B.C, the feud was a result over a disagreement of the appointments of secular lords and bishops..... etc.

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Im the Duchess of Insanity..[Manda]
5:26 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Feb. 2008 | Days Active: 86
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smurflikepebbles


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i hope that's not your intro. Your first sentence shouldn't say what your essay is about-but it should give them a glimpse. Dont name names.
Maybe talk about the setting. Comment about how life was during this whole controversy but dont give anything away yet. You want to catch their attention not bore them to death.

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"Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time" ~Timothy Leary
5:29 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2008 | Days Active: 7
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( Allison Wonderland )


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
Quote: from smurflikepebbles at 5:29 pm on Nov. 23, 2008
i hope that's not your intro. Your first sentence shouldn't say what your essay is about-but it should give them a glimpse. Dont name names.  
Maybe talk about the setting. Comment about how life was during this whole controversy but dont give anything away yet. You want to catch their attention not bore them to death.

This is a history paper, not a paper on something actually exciting.

And no, that's why I was asking for revisions.

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Shalom, Mother Fuc*as!

5:31 pm on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 19
Join to learn more about Allison Wonderland New York, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 552 | Points: 757
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