In my early childhood I had issues with rejection because of my father abandoning me after I got to know him. I thought that he left because of something I did and I didn't want to hurt like that again so I would do anything to try and fit in. I was in the habit of conforming to apparent social "trends" my friends came up with.

I was about 4 and my friend I had grown up with decided to... experiment (not sex... just close). I really didn't know any better back then so I just went along with it. I had another experience on my school bus with a younger girl who did a little "ill show you mine if you show me yours" thing. It got me into thinking like everyone does this with other people so I didn't think anything about it when another male friend did the same thing a year or so later. It's the conditioning I got from those experiences that lead up to one day when I was 7.

My mother had to work 2 jobs so she couldn't watch me, she left me with her friend Jerry. We played a couple games and he made me food... then he popped in a porno. He started touching me and even though it did scare me I had a part of me telling me that it was like with my other friends.... He molested me and it was only a few years later that I realized just how wrong what he did to me was.

I have been living with questions about my sexuality because of those experiences. I know that I like girls and I have had sex plenty of times to be confident that I am straight... but what does my past mean?