Okay so my bulimia started back almost three years ago. It got the worst it's ever been last year, and it mainly got worse because i started to get really depressed and I really really wanted this guy to like me. (which i know sounds incredibly stupid, but i was kinda screwed up back then) I had an intense fear of food and i would throw up a lot & shit.
and then i started to lose  ton of friends & everything and i finally realized that i had to stop doing this to myself. and it was really hard but i finally quite. and i haven't done it for like six months which is amazing.
So has just been going completly fantastic and everything. LIke, i've never felt so great. And i didn't fear food or anything.
And i finally got over this guy that i liked last year, and now there's this new guy. He's amazing in every way.

And basically i just feel completly worthless and how he'll never like me and i always feel like people are staring at how fat i am and everything all the time. And i just feel fat and ugly and like i'll just never be good enough and i'm a disapointment.
But i haven't thrown up or starved or anything, like i'm eating completly normal.
but the problem is that i'm back in the same mental state as i was in just a year ago, the only difference is that i'm not actually DOING anything like throwing up or starving. I just don't know what's going on with me right now. someone please help me.

I think the first thing you need to do is to figure out why whenever you start to develop feelings for a guy, you start to go back into your bulimia cycle.  I think it could be stress, which manifests itself in different ways. Some people overeat, some people exercise, and you develop a fear of food.  It's good that you've caught yourself, and you've recognized that you're starting a cycle again. Most people just tend to fall into it and wonder how they got there, but you are taking the first step in trying to combat this. I applaud you on that.

The next thing is that if you actually feel like throwing up or starving, take a second to think about why you're doing this.  If you know that it's because you're worried about a guy liking you, realise that by throwing up or not eating, it probably won't increase the chances of him wanting to go out with you. It's unhealthy to torture yourself this way.  It's the self-doubt, I think, and not the actual guy that's forcing you to feel this way.  I know it's impossible to "just not doubt" yourself, but why do you feel like you're not good enough? And I bet for every reason you find, there's a counter reason that exemplifies why you are absolutely good enough, better than enough even.  Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Your friends? If there's a close friend that you trust, see if you can talk to them about this.  Whenever you feel like vomiting or not eating, let them know. Friends can be more helpful than you think in moments like these. There are people who care.

If you ever need anymore help, you can always send me a PM. I'm here for you, and so are the rest of the Support Leader team.

-Britt

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Bitches, I'm back. Miss me much?